Critics Rave: Paps, Pedis, and Pubs Changes Everything!

Not to be indelicate, but the “yearly appointment” experience that many women dread could be improved upon.

We’re not looking at it properly, people! I mean, it’s a pretty cut-and-dried situation, isn’t it; and once the results are in, you either get a letter or a phone call, right? So why so serious?

And so in an effort to maximize the experience, Mary and I, in conjunction with Two White Chicks Cleaning, have a plan.

Sit down. Sip your water. Now clear your mind.

Paps, Pedis, and Pub.

Follow me now. We’re thinking you can leave your shirt on and slip into one of our tear-away flannel pants.

Go ahead – have a seat.

Please note that the chair is on wheels, the pedicure basins on either side of the chair. The temperature okay for you? There’s a pouch in the front: the questionnaire you filled out ahead of the appointment determines if you find chocolates, beef jerky, or chewing tobacco in there.

Of course there’ll be a package deal including all three: chocolates, beef jerky, and chewing tobacco; but I’m not prepared to give away the details of our Valentines Day package just yet.

So you know those drive-over, in-the-ground bays at the oil-change places? Well those figure into the process. As I said, the chair is on wheels, and like the oil-change technicians, that’s where we’ll be keeping the medical professionals: down in the bay. Oh, it’s all on the up-and-up. I mean, there are people in white coats, heat lamps... We can talk about the finer points, if you’re interested.

You’re offered a choice of musical selections and one of those hats that holds beverages (coffee, tea, water, select beers and wines). You also have the option of drinking out of a mug, as well, but what the heck. It’s a party, right?

Already, I’m excited. Think of the promotional drives: Bring in a friend and knock half off the cost of your next Pap and pedicure!

And does anyone else see the Speedy Reward Points possibilities?

For cryin’ out loud, man, the advertising campaign has fantastic potential!

Mary is working with the Small Business Administration on securing a loan as we speak. We can show you the business plan she’s working on, if you like.

The opportunities for success here are outrageous.