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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

In The Words of The Right Cheesy Telly Savalas

Amazing how we often don’t know who our friends are until things turn ugly.

I refer to the aging process.

Not that I am all that into aging. I mean, it’s okay for others, certainly, but me? I’m against it.

Not that my being against it has altered the course of the long, slow slog of time.

I just want to be on record as being against it.

My friend Mary is also against the aging process; and thank Heavens, because I was getting tired of being the only one with concerns.

Mary and I are, roughly, the same age. Having friends your own age is a soothing, reassuring thing. We remember the same cartoons, the same music, the same guys while they still had hair. We remember going to parties in the woods, jumping off garages into pools.

But neither of us remember signing up to get older.

Believe me when I tell you that I have never meant to be the oldest person in the room. You believe me, right? It just doesn’t go well with most of my outfits. But sometimes I am. And sometimes, when the 22-year-old in the room is talking about how she wants to “grow old gracefully”, how “every wrinkle will be one I’ve earned”, well, I want to let her finish her drink – because I’m civilized like that – and then I want to push her down the front stairs.

Like those before her – me included – her wrinkles are in the abstract, her aversion to plastic surgery, conceptual.

Mary and I, though, we have a pact, the power of which was made fully clear to me not very long ago.

The pact?

We have agreed to keep an eye on each other.

Unruly brows? Applying our lipstick on the outside of the lip line? Losing a tooth and not replacing it? Considering wearing a sweatshirt with an appliqu├ęd teddy bear holding a watering can?

Not on my watch, lady.

And so while it should not have been a shock, I was unprepared when she leaned over the table and said “hold still”.

I held still.

And she yanked a hair from my jaw line.

I yelped.

She took a sip from her beer. “You’re going to thank me for that later,” she said, slyly.

That Mary. Clever, amusing, and now, endeavoring to keep my aging under control.

Who loves ya, baby?


ellen abbott said...

I know, right!? (I picked this little clever quip up from my 11 year old twin granddaughters.)

Just put me in the ground if I ever wear a sweatshirt with a teddy bear on it baby, cause if that ever happens, I'm done.

Oh and the chin hairs...those little bastards just keep multiplying once they show up. Tweezers are one of my 5 essentials.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Oh Pearl, Do i ever have a treat for you, I know your needin' it bad:


Put on the platforms, the jumpsuit and rock out....

Stay loose

Peace - Rene

Tami said...

The applique teddy bear sweatshirt with a watering can line made me spit out my coffee and laugh out loud.

That is SO my mom. I love her but DAY-UM!!! :)

Pearl said...

Ellen, a tweezers in the purse may not be a bad idea!

Oh, Rene, what a delightfully cheesy era the 70s were! :-)

Tami, I know! What's up with teddy bears?! I know older women who have decorated with them! They sit at dining room tables and on the couch, little (and big) stuffed bears! :-)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

the more stories you tell about Mary, the more I like her.

Kavi said...

You both are a community. Indeed one ! Hmm. I wonder if i can enlist someone like that.

On second thoughts, i would much rather..just get old !

Douglas said...

Aging... I never quite grasped that it could affect me until the barber started trimming my eyebrows and using the clippers on the hairs on my ears.

LPC said...

I have turned in my registration for the aging society. But I will hold out as long as I can before I sign up to die.

Liam said...

What is that they say about wine? It gets better with age.

Barbara Blundell said...

Ah ,well Old age is club no one wants to Being the oldest person in the room doesn't go with my outfits either.Every one looks askance at my sweatshirt with teddy and watering can thinking "Look at her -mutton dressed as lamb "

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Okay, that is the 2nd post on chin hairs I've read today; this is getting depressing!
Good friends, huh?

darsden said...

"who loves ya baby" ole Telly kojak...lollipop licker LOL...

OMG did ya thank her later for that.. pretty good pinchers on that one..LOL

mapstew said...

What Douglas said!

powdergirl said...

One thing about aging,
the only option to it really sucks.

As soon as I grow up I'm gonna confront this issue for real.

You're always right Pearl, it just doesn't often go with the out-fit.

And god only knows it doesn't go with the level of maturity I'm trying very hard not to achieve.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Don't worry dear, about the time your face gets really hairy, you'll start to lose your eyesight!
Glad someone loves ya baby! Your friend is really lucky to have you too!
I'm probably old enough to be your Mom!


Pop and Ice said...

At least you are looking out for each other. I hope my husband would tell me if I needed to ship-shape something up due to my age and the fact that my vision is poor - even with contacts and reading glasses.

Shades of things to come, girls....

Gadjo Dilo said...

Pearl, I sympathise, for I am the oldest person in my room, and not especially gracefull with it either. The other my boss said "my bad" to me and I had to ask her what that meant. As for wrinkles: give me Barbara Bush rather than Nancy Reagan any day...

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I will DIE when/if I get a chin hair. Yep...die!


GutsyWriter said...

Sometimes I ish I didn't live in the U.S., especially California, where too much emphasis is placed on aging. Let people get old. They have other things to offer that young people don't. Perhaps old people need to move to countries where the old are respected. Somewhere in Africa.

Warty Mammal said...

Only ONE chin hair?

Phbt. I can beat that with my plucking hand tied behind my back.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Add nasty feet and carrot red hair to your list and you have the same pact I have my my BFF :-)


bettyl said...

Oh, my, what a time warp! I have given up on trying to slow time.
Instead of lying to say I'm younger, I simply have decided that if anyone guesses my age, I will lie and say I'm about 15 years older so that I still look good!!

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

True friendship!

The secret to the fountain of youth is pop music. so get your jonas brothers and miley cyrus albums now. it's painful, but no pain no gain.

dddiva said...

Hahahaha great post- I am way too immature for this old fart body I am stuck inside. Get an epilady and that chin hair takes 3x as long to grow back. ;)

Found you on BPOTW