9:08 a.m.
Rats. I’m late.
I’ll just dial in to the meeting. They’ll never know.
Beep-beep–beep! Beep-beep-beep
boo beep-beep-beep!
The State of the
Corporation conference call is already in progress. When I connect you, you will be the 400th person to join.
“… and so your activities in that capacity will figure
prominently in your review not only this year but for years to come.”
Shoot.
“But really, people, what we’re about is world-class
performance. World-class
cross-functional services operating world-wide.
We’re tapping in, we’re rolling-out, we’re driving the topline.
“And we are excited about
it.
“Why, I remember when coming to work was just coming to
work. Remember that? You got up in the morning, you came to work,
your duties were this and this and this, and at the end of the day, you went
home.
“No more.
“Today, we’re world-wide.
Our day never stops! That laptop
we got you? You can work from home! That e-mail that Senegal sent? The attachment from Taiwan? No need to wait until the beginning of your
work day, and you know why?
“Because your work day is no longer defined!
“We’re leveraging, people.
We’re doing heavy lifting. We’re spearheading,
we’re officing, we bubbling up to management.
“We’re verbifying like never before.
“But when will we
sleep, you say. When will I have time for my real life?
“Listen. These are
hard times. Around every corner are
people looking for jobs. Noses are
applied to grindstones, shoulders are pressed to wheels.
“Resumes are received.
“You know, I started like you. Like you, and so many of our workers in the middle
of the country, I, too, came from humble beginnings. My grandparents, for example, had difficulty
finding and keeping reasonably priced live-in help. As a result, my grandmother was often forced
to supervise the maids.
“I see the looks of incredulity on the faces around me here. But it’s true. Those were some humble times.
“But my grandparent fought their way out of those
circumstances.
“Just as you will.
“In the last few years, we’ve had losses. We’ve taken deep hits to our budgets. We’ve consolidated roles.
“And so it is humbling for me, Executive President and Head
Bottlewasher – ha ha – to be here today, to look out on to the faces of
dedication, servility, and – yes – fear.
“It is humbling, inspiring and oddly gratifying.
“Your fate rests in your hands, people.
“Now let’s get out there and be productive.”
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19 comments:
Damn, I'd almost forgotten THIS meeting. I'm still motivated. And medicated. Beta blockers mmmmm
Translating his comments:
"It's good to be me"
"It Must suck to be you"
Indigo, your failure to attend was noted. Expect a call from HR.
Simply, EXACTLY.
Indeed. And, "If you put your nose to the grindstone rough
and keep it there long enough
soon these three things will your life compose
you, and your grindstone, and your bloody nose."
Nothing like the conference call....call in from home then go about your business dusting, making lunch, greeting the post man...a little drop in to go "oh yes, umm hum, that's right" and then back to filing your nails, making coffee, picking the kids up from schol...gotta love the conference call. There's never any important information disclosed in a conference call...they insist you attend in person for the important stuff.
Gosh, I'm glad my wage-slave days are far in the past! I couldn't hack the 24/7 world my kids have to work in.
Hari OM
Accessibility. Everyone wanted accessibility. Now accept you have to be accessible...
Even the Himalayas are not immune! Yeeecchhh... YAM xx
“… and so your activities in that capacity will figure prominently in your review not only this year but for years to come.”
Mooning the boss, perchance?
One more reason I worked night shift as much as I did... no conference calls with high mucky-mucks telling me how we (meaning everyone but him and his lackeys) had to sacrifice for the good of the company.
What a great pep-talk! By gosh I'm going to get dressed now! Where are my shoes?
You certainly are living the dream on these calls :_) as long as he didn't say "Team Work makes the Dream Work" you should be fine ... funny as usual, Lady
I had a conference call today and the first 45 minutes was wasted on technical difficulties.
so true and a little depressing
I think I prefer the go to work, do the work, go home routine. I don't like the idea of being available 24/7.
It might help if you practice shoving sharp knives through sensitive parts of the human body...
So Acme Grommets and panty Hose has adopted the Wal-Mart model? Who got cross trained to show you how to apply for food stamps?
Since there are only six of us (including The Boss) we don't need conference calls.
She just calls us into the lab, closes the door, chews us a new one, and then we get back to work.
Simple AND effective. No need to record anything because she will NEVER forget your screw-up.
All that job-speak drives me crazy! I'm trying to be productive, though. :D
I missed that call too so thanks for the notes.
Did they remind us to make sure we're harvesting low hanging fruit? And goes without saying we can't forget to focus on performance while delivering quality and cutting costs and schedule by working smarter.
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