Round Two of the 2012 Upper Midwest Full Disrobe Event, or Goosebumps Are Your Friends, in an Objective Sort of Way

Ding!

“That’s the two-minute bell, and welcome back to the 2012 Upper Midwest Full Disrobe Event. My name is David Weekly –“

“—and I’m Greg Dowdy.  Thanks for joining us.  Next up in the mid-winter bed-time strip-and-leap competition, Lori Schmidtke and Tammy Schneider.”

“Greg, we spoke with the dark horse in this event, Tammy Schneider, in an interview taped earlier today.  Let’s cut to that.”

“I’ve been taking my own clothes off for years, David.  Winning the Upper Midwest Full Disrobe has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl.”

“Tammy, describe for us tonight’s approach.”

“Well, I don’t like to give too much away, but I like to think I have harnessed the spirit of the bathroom tile in my performance.  The key is in the feet:  I let myself become one with the tile.  When we absorb the utter stillness and chill of the porcelain, we free our inner Inuit.  Counter-intuitively, the only proper response to the bitter cold of winter is nakedness.”

“And there you have it: A disturbing interview with a disturbed woman.”

“I hate to break in here, David, but there’s the bell for Round Two, and we’ve got Tammy Schneider and Lori Schmidtke tearing free of their corners.”

“True to the promise of that taped interview, Tammy has seemingly torn her pants, leggings, socks and slippers off in one surprisingly fluid movement.”

“Little gal, ain’t she?”

“That she is, David, that she is.  Meanwhile, it seems Lori is having a bit of trouble with the last leg of her flannels and – is that a pirouette, David?”

“Greg, it’s rare that we see graceful dance moves in this competition –“

“—and we still haven’t, David.  Lori’s losing valuable time and gaining unsightly goosebumps hopping when she should be getting out of those clothes and under those flannel sheets.”

“Greg, the point is moot because Tammy is a full-on tornado.  The cardigan, long-sleeved tee, the camisole and the bra seem to have come off at once, and there she goes, a pale freckled blur!  She's between the sheets and covered to the chin!”

“David, I haven’t seen a leap like that since that National Geographic special.”

“Agreed, Greg.”

“And that’s it for Round Two.  Join us tomorrow when Amy Peterson takes on Tammy Schneider for the 2012 Upper Midwest Full Disrobe Championship.”

“Two rounds for a Championship, Greg?”

“David, there just aren’t that many sober women willing to demonstrate their full-dress-to-between-the-sheets-winter-undressing techniques.”

“No, there aren’t, Greg.  No, there aren’t.”