Today’s Conference Call is Being Held Today

Thanks, everybody, for dialing in for today’s call. I know you're all terribly busy, and we have a lot to cover; so let’s get started, shall we?

First of all, thanks for calling in. I know you’re busy.

Second of all, everyone’s busy, so it’s incumbent upon us to use our time wisely.

And speaking of the use of time, let me just take the next 20 minutes of this half-hour call to tell you just how excited we here at Acme Grommets and Sprockets are to embrace the new fiscal year.

Excited? Why the word hardly covers it. We’re thrilled, absolutely thrilled to have survived the strain of last year.

Any questions? No? Then I’ll continue.

Excited! That’s this year’s byword: Excited. You can have your talent, your dedication, your education, your strategy, and your years of experience. None of that means anything without excitement! Why, we’re absolutely giddy with the discovery of how excitement plays into business. We’re planning celebratory potlucks, having coffee cups made, and generally just vigorously patting ourselves on the back with all the, yes!, excitement we can muster.

Among the exciting discoveries made recently is one that led to our replacing the word “teammember” in all our marketing material. Turns out “teammember” is not really a word and requires hyphenation! But, with the recent de-hyphenation of old reliable “co-worker” – now spelt “coworker” – we have its replacement. A number of you have pointed out that you’ve never orked a cow a day in your life, and ha! ha! that is just the kind of humor we like to see spread, thickly, over the carpeted floors of Acme Grommets and Sprockets.

Of course the need to replace the word “teammember” with the word “coworker” is wreaking havoc on our printing budget for the year, since we’ll be replacing all materials using the word “teammember”. Your supervisor will be in touch with you as to how that will affect your hoped-for pay increase this year.

It is not up to me to relay that information.

All of this, of course, has led to a general slow-down in the generation of buzzwords and we’ll be forced to re-use last year’s words, including “raising the bar”, “synergy”, and “reinvent the wheel“. Hopefully we can get that under control in time for next year’s budget.

What’s that? Our time’s up?

Another fruitful meeting!

Any questions? No? We’ll wrap it up then and end by saying that, as always, your cooperation, awareness of the crummy job market, and fear of change is relied upon here at Acme Grommets and Sprockets.

Now go forward, and do good work.