Oh, For A Moment I Thought I’d Have to do That For Myself…

A fairly recent discovery has me absolutely overflowing with can-you-believe-it-ness, and I can hardly wait to get to it.

But first! In light of my belief that my shuffled playlist, heard on my commute into the city on a Friday morning, holds some mystical implications for the weekend, I bring to you, absolutely somewhat-live and fully paid for, the mighty oracle that is the iPod:

The Green Manalishi by Judas Priest
Gone Daddy Gone by Gnarls Barkley
Dance Like A Monkey by The New York Dolls
Before I Was Caught by Jay Reatard
Shotgun by Southern Culture on the Skids
Hand and Mouth by Nomo*
Getting Down by The Kills
Freewill by Rush

Looks like whatever the immediate future holds, I have it coming to me.

Fair enough. I’m sure that whatever it is, I deserve it.

Speaking of which, I’m not sure what’s going on around here.

Despite being surrounded by doors that open themselves, stairs that do not require climbing but go up and down continuously, apparently modern life is not cushioned enough. Even paper towels in public restrooms no longer need you to pull on them – they simply dispense themselves.

And now?

Honey, you’re not going to believe this, but now the hand soap lathers itself.

Okay, okay, so I’m behind the times. I also hear that the ear trumpet has been replaced by something called a “hearing aid” and that the smart set is no longer starting fires with two shards of flint and a snarled bit of dry human hair.

Frankly, it was about time.

But pre-lathered soap?

I first noticed it in the Atlanta airport – lovely place – when I put my hands under the soap dispenser while looking for its pump. But hey! No pump needed: the little nozzle spat, as casually as you please, a load of lather into my waiting hand.

Lather? The soap's already lathered? What, now a machine is taking away one of the few things we need human beings to do? Hey – I was going to do that! I hate to be a Luddite about it, but come on! What next? When’s the fridge going to call the liquor store’s fridge to let them know they need to deliver more tequila? When’s my clothes hamper hooking up with the washer and dryer to ensure that I don’t end up wearing my swimsuit bottoms as underwear again?

Give us something we can use!

It’s a fascinating ol’ world, ain’t it?

I eagerly await tubes full of pre-chewed food.




* If I were to recommend a new song – nay, a new band – it would be Nomo, an Afro-beat group out of, of all places, Ann Arbor, Michigan. You should buy this CD, put it in your car, and then drive somewhere with the window down. And then stop for a small ice cream – not too big! And then check out your smile in the rear-view mirror and take a gander at just how good-looking you are.

Hey! By the way: Looking for a new blog? Looking for a blog with a giveaway? Check out Joanna at The Fifty Factor. Tell her Pearl sent ya. :-)