The Flirty Girl Fitness Workout! Act Now and They’ll Throw in the Pole!

What do you do for your physical fitness? Run in the park? Walk your dog?

I used to run. I fell out of love with it after developing recurring shin splits.

And I’d be willing to walk a dog, but the prospect of spending part of that time carrying a little bag of dog poop hoping for an available garbage can has limited appeal.

Hey! Here’s a new way to stay in shape.

Pole dancing lessons!

Heaven help us, you can now buy a workout DVD called “Flirty Girl”.

Because nothing says “physically fit” like a girl who can dance suggestively around a chair.

And would you believe that if you act now they will throw in a pole? A pole! A metal, phallic work-out aide of your very own. Won’t mom be proud?

“Honey, your legs looks great.”

“Thanks, Mom. It’s the Flirty Girl Workout! I can hang upside down from the pole in my living room now. It’s good for my thighs; and if the economy gets any worse I’ve just expanded my future earning potential!”

It’s like gambling. When I was little, gambling was wrong. It was illegal, conducted in smoke-filled back rooms by men named “Shifty” where involvement eventually led to police records and living in one-room apartments with hot plates and blowsy redheads.

Now? Gambling is a source of revenue for the states and everyone’s a blowsy redhead.

I can’t play with money. I’ve tried. I’ve been to a casino twice. People say that you should only play with the money you’re comfortable losing.

To me, the amount of money I’m comfortable losing is “zero”.

Tends to limit my gambling, the inability to ante up.

Which brings us to the next thing in the long line of things that used to be wrong but is now okay: “exotic dancing”.

I don’t know. I’ve known a couple strippers. They are not the happiest people, nor do they have the nicest bodies.

Then again, pole dancing doesn’t involve carrying around little bags of dog poop.