As unbelievable as it may seem, I don’t make a whole lot of money.
I know, right?! Surely you envision me, when you envision me, as reclined on a sable-covered chaise lounge, sipping whatever it is the wealthy sip and snapping my fingers in time to the four-piece musical ensemble I keep chained to the radiator in my boudoir.
Alas, it’s not true, this vision of me that you’ve created for yourself – although I appreciate the effort – and I must regularly turn to work outside of my full-time employment to supplement the cheese rinds and apple cores with which they pay me.
This weekend’s foray into financial fulfillment?
Cleaning. The Wily Mary and I will be cleaning. Eighteen straight hours’ worth of cleaning, by our own bid.
Makes me tired just thinking about it.
Picture, if you will, a 5350 square-foot home. Two full kitchens, four bedrooms, three bathrooms, two living rooms, two fireplaces and an attic full of ponies.
I’m just kidding about the ponies.
I’ve done it to myself, and I know it, but raise a glass to Mary and Pearl this weekend, won’t you?
I’ll be thinkin’ of ya.
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21 comments:
Whoa! That's why I prefer my modest 1180 sq. ft. home. Much easier to clean... if I ever felt like it. Guess your weekend will be pretty short. Enjoy what little of it you have, Pearl!
Well, I hadn't previously pictured you draped across a sable-covered chaise lounge, sipping the blood of servants and pelting the four-piece musical ensemble with $100 bills, but now that you've mentioned it...
You actually look fairly uncomfortable, in my mind. Lose the lounge and go with a standard recliner. Better for the back, which will be sore after tending to those ponies!
Dang! I think I will stay poor if I have to give up my weekend cleaning the home of someone else.
But I am lucky! Visiting sister did all the laundry! Which means I have lots of free time this weekend.
I will tip a glass for you Pearl!
Yikes! At least there will be two of you to share the pain. I always find that it's easier somehow to clean someone else's house than my own...more interesting, anyway...not the same ol same ol.
Two kitchens is just greedy.
Consider setting fire to half their house, and watch their little faces when they see their new, honed, simplified life.
What kind of world is it that would cause the intelligent to labor so, I ask you? I'm as ignorant as a post about social necessities, so nothing I do all day seems like work; weed the garden, harvest the vegetables and eggs, turn the compost, eat the food, sleep.
I look at those houses and the first thing I wonder is how much their electric bill is.
If you can pop over next weekend, you're welcome to do mine. And I only have one kitchen. At least I did the last time that I looked.
Oh. I Absolutely LOVE your writing!
Keep entertaining me!
All I can say is that in a house that size, there should be lots of interesting stuff to keep you amused.
I also envision a bowl full of chocolate covered cherries need that lounge chair too ;-)
You are an AMAZING woman, Pearl. Amazing!
I keep Neil Patrick Harris chained to the radiator in my boudoir.
Wow, how did you know that I pictured you that way?
You're psychic, too?
Glass is raised!
Wow, big house. I will never look at cleaning people again since reading Nickel and Dimed in America... then again, I'll never hire from a cleaning service either, not that I have ever hire anything more than a carpet clearer.
So, you lied about the ponies. You ALWAYS lie about the ponies. So I sit by the road for hours with my saddle and no one shows up AGAIN.
I feel for you, cleaning up after all those ponies. Especially if they're being kept in an attic. I know what it's like just cleaning a cat box. Wear a gas mask. Better yet, let Mary clean the attic.
With 5,350 feet to dust, sweep, mop, etc., 18 hours will be cutting it close.
My advice is to take advantage of the bathroom. Fill up the tub, pour in the bubbles, sip on the champagne (or the cerveza), and enjoy! The bubbles, that is.
I've been cleaning kitchens and bathrooms for a pittance of late because my son the Evil Genius insists he has to eat more than once a week, and he's so picky about actually keeping the power and water ON at Casa de Crazy. Demanding little guy. It's not easy work, and I wish you well at it.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
I'll raise several glasses to ya, then have some martini and rossi asti spumante waiting for you when you get home. That's just the kinda gal I am!
Here's lookin at you kid!
As the lady wishes! *clink*
Good thing you don't have to clean out an attic inhabited by ponies. Yikes.
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