Great News Everyone! I've Grown An Extra Arm!

Hey, ma! I’m one of the recipients of the “Best Posts of the Week”! Go look at it! Tell your friends!

And then be sure to tell them about how I’ve mysteriously…

Grown An Extra Arm!

Whew! And thank goodness I did! That whole I’ve-Only-Got-Two-Hands thing was beginning to get wearisome.

And now? Why, I can work a third more efficiently!

This has come in handy today (har har), as I’ve simultaneously moved through two piles of paper the heights of Hollywood-horror-movie headstones, applied lotion to my poor chapped knuckles, and sifted through the boxes of binder clips, rubber bands, highlighters and other articles of office jetsam leftover from last week’s office move.

We can’t let my boss see the extra arm, though. What? You have a new arm? Hey, would you mind making me a sandwich while you run 25 copies of this? Thanks so much!

Yeah. Don’t tell my boss. Or my husband. Or my son. This will be our little secret.

Can you imagine? Everyone will want one; and oddly enough, this won’t lighten our workload but expand it. Like the laptop, the cell phone, the Blackberry, or any of those other “convenience” items that have dragged our work life into our homes, eventually it will become a job prerequisite.

Well not this time. Not on my watch! We’re keeping this under our collective hats, shall we?

So I’m looking for jackets with hidden sleeves, unobtrusive patterns on shirts, advice on the proper wearing of capes.

Maybe stripes will mislead the eye?

I will be giving instruction/guidance on how to grow your own limb-of-choice at the Spring Street Bar this coming Saturday afternoon in exchange for Bloody Marys. Come early before I get too silly to explain it fully. I’ll be in a booth.

I’ll be the one with the third arm.

And bring your old gloves, old rings and bracelets. I’m really going to dress this extra one up on weekends.