I’m Thinking of Winning the Lottery Soon!

So I was thinking the other day (sometimes, you just can’t help it) that it’s time for me to take a hard look at my life, determine what needs changing, and change it. I discovered this on the bus this morning, and so, while staring at the head of the woman in front of me, I looked deep into my soul.

My biggest problem? I’m living in a capitalist society without the benefit of wealth. Whose idea was this cruel joke? I mean, wouldn’t it be better for everyone – but especially me! – if I had a lot of money? I think so!

If you’re like me – and even if you’re not! – you, too, might be having some money problems. But what does one do when one tires of having Wienie Water Soup day after wienie-water day?

Why not play the lottery?

Get into line at any Super America gas station and watch the money exchanging hands. Everyone’s doing it! People with armloads of potato chips, Ho-Hos, two-liter bottles of pop and $4 of gas for their cars are requesting $20 worth of lottery tickets. Clever ploy! Why buy real food or more than a gallon of gas at a time when you could become a millionaire, just by being bad at mathematical odds?

Because you have to admit your chances are not good. I had to Google it, of course, but the odds of winning in any single-state lottery are 18 million to 1. Eighteen million to one! I think your odds of being attacked by a shark – in Minnesota! – are better.

Still…

Still, I think this is my year. So far, I’m feeling really lucky. I haven’t fallen in the street once (did that twice last year, both times on ice), haven’t been kicked out of anywhere (well, anywhere worth mentioning!) and I’m completely up to date on all my vaccinations. I’m feelin’ lucky.

I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna win the lottery. You read it here first.

Now I just have to buy a ticket.