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Friday, August 23, 2013

Part Three: When You Go to the Bar with a Cat...

Have you read Part One and Part Two?  Tiny little things they are, roughly 300 words apiece.  If you want to go there now, we can wait.

I'll just stay here until you come back.  



In consideration of the number of gin and tonics we anticipate having, we have taken a taxi.

It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim light.

Located in a building at the heart of the Warehouse District in Minneapolis’s North Loop, The Nip and The Saucer caters to the best cats – and the worst – the city has to offer.

“The key,” says Liza Bean, waving to someone across the room with one delicate, striped paw, “is to watch one’s manners.  A glance, a gesture, the very way one holds one’s head, all of these things mean something.  In an establishment catering to those of the feline persuasion, one is polite.  Unless, of course, one wishes to fight.”

She smiles at me, tiny, pointed teeth glistening in the low lights of the city’s premier cat bar.  “Sometimes, one wishes to fight.”

Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, has been quite talkative.  The cab ride, for instance, had been a 20-minute affair that included the mysterious production of a bag of “mouse ends” (“just a little snack”) and a description of the time Pupples rode all the way to the airport perched under the hood of a 2003 Cadillac Deville.  (“It was winter, he said!” she hooted, “The engine was warm, he said!  The poor schmuck stunk of ether for a week!”)

We make our way to the back of the room, where Liza Bean’s current band, Squeak Toy, has commandeered a booth.  There they are: Stumpy “Lucky” Strikes on drums; Ignatz D. Katz on upright bass; and the piano player, a large long-hair with yellow eyes who had previously been introduced to me, less than cryptically, I thought, as “Hairball”.  Pupples Old Bean is there as well, and I can't help but picture him roosted on the massive engine block of a 2003 Cadillac Deville hurtling down Highway 62.

Our waitress, after a lift of the chin on Liza Bean’s part and a tap to the side of the nose on the waitress’s, returns quickly with a bucket of ice, a bucket of limes, and the required bottles and glasses for gin and tonics for the eight of us.

Cats love gin and tonics.

Liza Bean pours the drinks, pushes a low ball glass in front of me. 

“Limes?”

“Four, please.”

The cats at the table nod. 

Cats love gin and tonics with extra limes.

“What’s this?” I say, reaching for the light fixture at the center of the table. 

Liza Bean’s paw flies out, slaps my hand quickly.  “Don’t touch that.”

At the front of the room, the lights on the stage come up.  They give off a warm, pink glow.  A large white cat with the full face and assured demeanor of a Tom approaches the microphone set in the center of it.

Liza Bean reaches toward the center of the table, rapidly flicks the light fixture on and off, on and off.

“Ahhh,” I say.

“Yes,” she whispers.  “Ahhh, as you so succinctly put it.”  She smiles at me as one would a simpleton. 

She loves me, and struggles valiantly not to show it.

I pick up my drink, form the next few words around the straw.  “Can I –“

“Yes,” she says.  “You can applaud next time.”


Return Monday, please, for Part Four, wherein we get drunk with cats, hear Dolly’s poetry, and consider a life lived surrounded by weirdos.


There will be postings, of course, on Saturday and Sunday, just not a continuation of yesterday’s and today’s story.  

23 comments:

joeh said...

A story with two part threes!

Is that a cat thing?

Indigo Roth said...

Hush, Pearl's concentrating...

Pearl said...

Two part threes?
Don't confuse me, Joe! It's early!

Pearl said...

Indigo, I'm confused!

Pearl said...

Oh, rats. Now I see it.

Fixing...

vanilla said...

The weekend breather, what with all the excitement. Good move.

Shelly said...

When I stepped in the "mouse ends" our cat left on the back porch yesterday, do you think he was inviting me for a gin and tonic? Oh, how I've misinterpreted his offerings...

Looking forward to the next installment~

jenny_o said...

I love your use of the light as applause ... it had never occurred to me before that cats can't clap! he he

And then there's the line "She loves me, and struggles valiantly not to show it." This must be why one of my cats nips, knaws on, and full-out batters me on a daily basis. I feel so much better now.

Why, oh why, must the weekend come between us and Part Four? Waiting ... waiting ...

Eva Gallant said...

As usual, your cat saga has me captivated. I'm on the edge of my seat, and if I had a tail, it would be twitching in anticipation of the next chapter!

Pearl said...

vanilla, I'll need the weekend to talk Dolly into letting me publish her poetry. :-)

Shelly, Cool Ranch Mouse Ends are the best ones. :-)

jenny_o, a cat's love is sometimes viewed as abusive. :-) I used to have a Siamese that would bite my chin, very lightly.

Pearl said...

Eva, oh, Eva. How I love the idea of the end of your tail twitching with anticipation. :-)

Delores said...

Ah...I understand the light fixture now. A cat WOULD have a little trouble clapping its paws wouldn't it?

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Who says cats can't slap? My cat Ruby would beg to differ.

fishducky said...

I love your cat tales--or would that be tails?

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
aaarrrggghhhhhhhh - I love you and am, right now, trying valiantly not to show it!!!!!!! MONDAY???? Cruelty of the first order - methinks you too are cat... But will read other offerings, for detente you understand? &*\>

Leenie said...

Wait for it.....waaaait for IT!......

Gigi said...

Cannot wait for Monday to get here - well now...that's something I never thought I'd say!

Thanks for bringing back the word schmuck...holy hell, I haven't heard that word in YEARS!

Elephant's Child said...

We want MORE! When do we want it? We want it NOW! Or NAAAOOW as Jazz would say.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

I am entranced with these cats of your. Bartender? A round for my new friends.

Timothy Hecht said...

You and Liza Bean may need Dr. Katz Professional Therapist.

http://agent54nsa.blogspot.com/2013/06/agent-54here-again_2284.html

Tell him Agent 54 sent ya.

Geo. said...

Although not a cat, I enjoy gin and tonic, and have heard the sound of cats clapping --much like the susurrus of wind and autumn leaves.

jabblog said...

How nice it is to be introduced to the secret underworld of cats. No wonder my cats look so knowing most of the time - obviously they slip out when the rest of us are asleep.

Daisy said...

"mouse ends" Ewww! hahaha! :)