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Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Round One of the 2012 Upper Midwest Full Disrobe Event


Ding!

“Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to Round One of the 2012 Upper Midwest Full Disrobe Event.  First up:  Amy Peterson and Lisa Peterson, and these two have come out of their respective corner just a’flinging!”

“It’s fascinating, David, but when you watch these gals, you get two specific courses of action here:  Amy’s started on the top, slippers kicked across the room while pulling the cardigan and long-sleeved tee over-head, while Lisa’s managed to pull the waistbands of both her flannels and her underwear to her knees, where she seems to have gotten her thumbs hooked into her leggings and – holy cow, she’s down!  Down goes Lisa!  Down goes Lisa!”

“Now that’s what we call cheeky, Greg!”

“I’ll say!  Poor Lisa is out of the running as she falls face-first over the tangle of her pants, leggings, and slippers.”

“I saw this once in the 2008 event, David.  There’s no recovery from the knee-bruising tumble of that kind of clothing jumble.”

“Right you are, Greg.  Amy has this locked if she can just stay on her feet.  At this point, we’ve got her 75% nekkid.  We’ve got the tops off, she’s unhooking her bra with one hand while pulling off her knickers.  The athleticism of this woman cannot be understated, Greg.  She’s hopping, she’s running, she’s pulling off one legging at a time –”

“—that woman can snap a bra.”

“You’re not just a’whistling, Greg.  One more sock – and there she goes!  Amy Peterson is tearing across the linoleum floor and has flung herself into the open bed!”

“What can be said about such an exposition?  The perspicacity with which this participant plies the very fabric of her vestments is a testament to the poetic movement inherent in the Upper Midwest Disrobe Event.”

“Greg, have you been watching the Cosell tapes again?”

Howard Cosell:  The man was a master of the spoken word, David.  Never denigrate him in my presence.  Next up:  Round Two.”

“Greg, I’m excited about our Round Two contenders.  Fresh from her fifth year at a two-year college, we have Lori Schmidtke, three-time local champ and favored in this contest.”

“That’s right, David; and we’ve got Tammy Schneider, an unknown out of Minneapolis.”

“Tammy’s a true dark horse in this event, Greg; and I’m excited to see her technique.”

“Right you are, David.  How right you are.  Lori and Tammy have taken their corners, there’s the bell!”

Ding!

36 comments:

joeh said...

This is getting exciting, and Howard Cosell could make watching grass grow exciting!

Pearl said...

joeh, the tension is palpable. :-)

Craver Vii said...

No pajamas to bed... I don't get that. I even wear socks to bed!

Except for last night. It was so warm, that I opened the window, and hit the sack sockless. But I found that I could not sleep well. I kept waking up because of the cold feet, so I got up in the middle of the night, and donned socks.

I thought nekkid sleeping was only something people did in the movies.

Bossy Betty said...

My hint to the contenders--the bra goes off in the car.

Shelly said...

You Minnesota girls are tough competition. I don't think anyone in Texas would have a prayer of winning since we never wear that many clothes anyway.

Pearl said...

Craver, you actually get warmer without them, although I'm sure there are people who would argue that.

Bossy, oooh. :-) That's nice.

Shelly, that may be true, although you've got it all over us with the griot. :-)

Douglas said...

Do competitors get extra points for turning on the electric blanket before the clothes removal begins?

I mean we are not talking hot date here, are we?

Daisy said...

My first thought was:" OMG! It's so cold there in the winter" So I went and got another cup of coffee!

bill lisleman said...

It would set a better mood if they replaced the dinging bell with Barry White's "Love Theme" song.

Pearl said...

Douglas, there should be, yes. :-) Indigo Roth sent me a pair of microwavable mittens that I put at the foot of my bed every night, just to warm at least part of it up!

Daisy, I cannot be held responsible for your caffeine addiction. :-)

bill, it's not that kind of competition. :-)

Susan Williams said...

I thought of How-wahd-Co-Sell before you said his name. Greg must have marinated in him.
Who could blame him?

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

These guys enjoy their job waaaaay too much.

Eva Gallant said...

You have me cracking up here! I love the way your Minnesota mind works!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

My money's on Tammy. Those Minnesota women have madd skillz.

Pearl said...

Susan, he was in my head -- and wouldn't get out -- so I was forced to type him!

Delores, oh, it's not all fun and games on the Upper Midwest Full Disrobe tour, you know.

Eva, I have a lot of time on my hands. :-)

Green Girl, from a fellow Upper Midwesterner, I appreciate that. :-)

Silliyak said...

Are you old enough to recall Howard C doing the play by play in the Woody Allen Movie sex scene?

Silliyak said...

Ahhhh the internets
http://youtu.be/QK9y_sY4dKg

Leenie said...

Watching it like a train wreck and yet all the time wishing I could UNSEE it all!

Pearl said...

silliyak, I heard about it. Will have to go watch!

Leenie, I'm just here to add a grin to your day!

fishducky said...

I disagree with JOEH--I think Howard Cossell could make a train wreck as exciting as grass growing!

jenny_o said...

That Tammy from Minneapolis, hmm... is that the same Tammy that used to wait at the bus stop? A mean little dumpling? That was a Tammy, wasn't it?
*starts to wonder if I'm remembering wrong*

Anyhow, this was delightful. Fifth year at a two-year college! snork!

I'll give those gals a run for their money any day of the week. It gets cold in Canada, too, you know :)

Pearl said...

fishducky, he was a dry one, but I loved his vocabulary!

jenny, jenny, jenny, what a memory you have, girl!! That was a Tammy, yes, but this one is a thinly veiled homage to a co-worker. You know, just to mess with her head. :-)

Ian Lidster said...

I so wish I'd been there to see such skill in action. Can you get me tickets for next year?

savannah said...

this has to be a young woman's sport, sugar! damn! xoxoxo

Brian Miller said...

this is a great time for those pull away pants like basketball players wear....so what channel can i find this on...smiles.

Pearl said...

Ian, as you can imagine, tickets are a hot commodity around here -- but not for the reasons you'd imagine. There's just free beer involved.

savannah, oh, we build 'em sturdy up here. :-)

Brian, oooh! I wonder what the ruling on that would be...

B-u-x said...

Pearl, my mind just cannot wrap itself around the amount of material your mind comes up with :-)

Brilliant!

Pearl said...

B-u-x, there might be something wrong with me.

Now if I can just figure out a way to get paid for it, I'll buy you all a gin and tonic!

Indigo Roth said...

I'm sure I shouldn't be this aroused. Are you in the final? Can I still get tickets?

Pearl said...

Indigo, it's been pre-recorded. But don't tell anyone. :-)

Gigi said...

Oh Pearlie - I loved this! And I kept hearing this voice in my head as I was reading it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9j-DMPAvLwA

Joanne Noragon said...

You took the challenge magnificently. And produced, as usual.

River said...

I'm in awe of the woman who can unhook her bra with one hand while simultaneously removing her knickers.
That's a champion dis-rober.

Pat said...

I believe it can be highly dangerous if one is under the influence. But more fun:)

Mr. Charleston said...

"perspicacity"?? Now I'm impressed.

Suldog said...

This is way too funny for me to be reading before work. It makes work even more of a drudgery. Stop it!