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Friday, August 19, 2011

When The Cat Asks for Money

The weekend looms, my friend. There it is, the golden gift at the end of the week. Dagnabit it people, we’ve gotten up, we’ve packed lunches, commuted politely, did the best we could.

And now?

We party.

But what’s it all about, Alfie? What’s in store for us?

Step right up and lay your eyes on the iPod of record, the aural oracle, our own and rumored infallible guide to the future.

Shhh.

Zina-Marina by Gogol Bordello
I Feel You by Depeche Mode
My Party by Kings of Leon
Ramble On by Led Zeppelin
She’s Hearing Voices by Bloc Party
Say It Again by Scribe
Unless It’s Kicks by Okkervil River

See? What’d I say? Put on your most flattering clothes, attend that party, and by all means, say what’s on your mind.

I also think there might be a $20 bill in there somewhere, although I don’t really see that in the play list.

I just always like to predict that I’ll find a twenty.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, and in news that will surprise no one, Liza Bean has asked for a loan. She claims it’s to renew her passport, but that could mean anything, up to and including a genuine need to renew her passport.

You just never know with cats.

You know Liza Bean, don’t you? Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, is just one of two hair-covered, be-clawed slackers I have living with me.

Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) is a delightful, asymmetrically striped animal with a penchant for jewels, late-night drives (I swear, she takes my keys one more time…) and birds of all flavors.

She’s a bit of a Renaissance Cat. Whether she’s whispering into her cell phone whilst huddled in the bathroom with the water running (she knows how I hate that!); absconding with one of my better liquors; or telling the neighbors outright lies about how often I wash my bedding, she always does it with style.

Money-eating, sequin-encrusted style.

Well, that’s what you get, when you let cats in. Sure, I could turn her out, but the things she knows about me?

Not on your life.

So will I borrow her the money?

You bet your sweet bippy I will. I'm writing the check as we speak.

But this time, I'm writing "loan" in the memo.

38 comments:

Nessa Roo said...

You could always buy one of those bumper stickers that says "Cat: The Other White Meat". That'll keep her paws off your keys...

Audubon Ron said...

I got three cats.

Mine are all, "Like, when do you think you'll be getting around to cleaning that cat box, Ron?"

I know I'm getting ammonia poisoning.

George said...

Are cats frequent travelers? Outside the country I mean?

jabblog said...

Sounds as though Liza Bean is the top cat - top mammal, even - in your house.

Simply Suthern said...

When my cat asks for money I just point at the kids. They know what that means.

Leenie said...

Maybe you'll find that twenty. Just don't tell LBBOMB. (Wondering if her passport photo is as bad as mine.)

Pat said...

Ah - just found you on the map. I didn't realise it was so far north. I'm waving - Yoo Hoo!

Caro said...

Oh my cat better not start asking for a loan, he hasnt been here a month and he is making this place his kingdom.

A Beer for the Shower said...

Good stuff, and a great playlist. I like to see both the Zep and Gogol in the same mix. Nicely done.

Hospitable Scots Bachelor said...

The Holly Golightly of cats then?

Glen said...

never lend cats money - they just blow it on catnip

Saimi said...

Holy Cats Batman this one's making a feline straight for Pearls wallet!

Sounds to me Robin, that Cat is just like every other woman.

Roses said...

I think you need to be careful with lending Liza money. You might not see either again. Or perhaps maybe that's the idea?

vanilla said...

That cat will drive you to...
well, party-time! Oh, wait. She takes the money, she parties.

klahanie said...

Greetings human,
Yes, tis I, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star.
Oh no, yet another 'pawsting' about a cat. It seems that almost every other blog is talking about a pussy cat. Well, I have been reliably informed that cats have this evil plan to turn you humans into slaves and work for them in a giant dairy products factory in Switzerland.
Cats don't need your money. And, I wish the darn things would stop crapping in my human's vegetable patch. And remember, if your house is on fire and your fire alarm isn't working; a dog will warn you, whilst kitty f**ks off out the catflap.
Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses, your way, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star xx

Pat Tillett said...

A paper trail is always a good idea, so do use a check.
Only here do find such delightful stories!

jenny_o said...

Hah! love the Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In reference! Haven't heard the word "bippy" for a very, very long time!

You seriously need some legal documentation to protect you from that kitteh defaulting on that loan ... and if Liza Bean grins and suggests "mah attorney", run like the wind to get someone else to do it!

The Accidental Somebody said...

I want to see pics of where she'll be using that passport!

Eva Gallant said...

Oh, Pearl, that was delightful! And I clicked on all the links, and they were, too. I sent all the urls to Mr. Eva, because he, too, loves reading about Liza Bean Bitey!

Majid Ali said...

Please for Christ sake help this poor boy from Haiti.

Amber Star said...

Pearl,
You must be firm with her. I've heard through the grapevine that the Biteys of Minnesota are notorious for not repaying loans. I'm sure you have noticed this in the past. Remember past actions are the best predictor of future actions.

Douglas said...

As my father once said to me (actually, he said it fairly often), "get a job if you want money." You should tell that to your cat. But only if you are wearing a claw proof chain-mail brow to toes burqa.

Sarah said...

I'd better pray that your Liza Bean and my Alabama Mae never hook up together!

Andrea said...

Woohoo! I love Friday's. Fridays are the best...

Actually, I don't know why I like Fridays. My kids get out at 1 every Friday and then they expect me to play with them all weekend and take them fishing and to Target to buy toys and let them stay up late. So come Monday I'm a big pile of tired.

The only parties I get to on weekends are the small people birthday variety that involve ponies and over-sugared cake. I like cake.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Liza Bean Bitey! Love the name! Love this post!!

W.C.Camp said...

Every week it still amazes me that you have all this music that I have never heard? I don't think my ears are working or something. As for the cats and passports - what do people really do when they import a cat to another country? I have never thought about it but do they NEED a passport? Oh sure they probably would even quarantine ME as well as my cat, but I just don't know about the passport? W.C.C.

CarrieBoo said...

I see Judge Judy in your future...

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Can you predict that I will find a 20? :)
Party on, Pearl!

R. Jacob said...

It is a rarefied air you breathe in Minnie Soda!
A cat with ID to cash a check, who knew? I thought all cats take cash only.

Gigi said...

Hmmmm, I'm predicting that you might want to get bail money ready to spring Liza Bean from jail this weekend.

Linda O'Connell said...

Liza Bean's liable to bring a tomcat home. Be careful.

Vapid Vixen said...

"Money-eating, sequin-encrusted style."

Ahh yes. I can always count on you for quote worthy lines. I really, seriously love your stuff.

Belle said...

Liza Bean reminds me of my grandson Jordan. I just "loaned" him twenty dollars.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I'm glad you're toughening up on her, but I hope you'll tag on a hearty interest rate. She's clearly gotta start learning fiscal responsibility.
Happy weekend, Pearl.
xoRobyn

Sioux said...

Is Liza Bean a "Cougar" and she needs the money for some frisky outfit to wear so she can lure a young Tom into her den?

Jon said...

Ask for security of some kind? Perhaps some dead rodents? Tricky business, trusting cats.

Susan in the Boonies said...

I don't trust her. It's the whispering on the cell phone in the bathroom thing. And all the cattin' around.

Not on your life.

Or one of her nine ones.

Mandy_Fish said...

You're co-dependent. There. I said it.