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Monday, October 6, 2008

The Cat’s a Secret Agent, Man

I may be wrong – there’s been precedence set, after all – but I think Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) is up to no good.

She entered the room the other morning, sat nonchalantly on her fuzzy, striped butt, and made an elaborate show of licking her back leg. I knew immediately that something was afoot.

As a preface, I have to say that I’ve always known cats to be dangerous. Look at them, all precious and playful. They are fuzzy little bundles of cuteness, and yet if they got any bigger you wouldn’t be able to keep them in the house. They don’t need us, not really; and there’s something shifty about their ability to sleep 22 out of every 24 hours.

I'm actually a little jealous.

Lately, though, there have been mysterious phone calls on her cell phone in the middle of the night. She takes these calls in the bathroom, closing the door behind her and running the water. She knows that drives me crazy! I can’t imagine who’s on the other end. Who could it be? She never lets me see the bills, but I overheard her the other day telling the tortoiseshell next door that she was expecting a “communiqué” from Kuala Lumpur and that things were “about to go down”.

Last Friday, I came across her notebook – entirely in French. When did she learn French? And when does she find the time to write?

What can I do? She’s paid through the end of the month, and everyone knows the laws are geared more toward the tenant than they are the landlord.

It’s making me paranoid. Just what is it that’s “about to go down”? What’s in the communiqué? How long has this been going on, anyway? Honestly, I’ve been nothing but good to that cat, but then again I am also the one who insisted on having her neutered. Could she be holding that against me? But how could it have become an international event? No. This is bigger than that. Frankly, I’m thinking of hiring a food taster. I don’t think that would be out of line, do you? Do you think that –

Wait. What was that? Did you hear that? The cat’s on the phone again.

I tell you, it sends shivers down my spine.


Barbara Blundell said...

Pearl. Could you eavesdrop a bit more and find out the true nature of these calls ? Are they cold calls,nuisance calls,overture and beginners calls,a call to arms or the call of the wild ? If they are merely cat calls you can disregard them and settle back to your former untroubled life

Pearl said...

Hi, Barbara.

It's best to ignore the catcalls, isn't it?


Kavi said...

Feline power at work !! hmm !@ this can gert interesting !

Blue Blaze Irregular #1 said...

I am not surprised at all. When I was driving across the country, literally in the middle of nowhere, I happened to pick up an NPR commentator/guest, who put it perfectly. "Having a dog is like having a child. They need you for the basics, get excited when they see you, jump all over the place, and wait for you take care of them."

"Having a cat is like having a roommate from another country."

I love 'em anyway, tho.

Pearl said...

Hi, Kavi.

I suspect she holds her little paws over my nose when I'm sleeping, but I can't prove it.


Hi there, Blue. :-)

I think that guy is absolutely right. Now that I think about it, she does seem to celebrate different holidays than we do...


Cess said...

He He, lol, u should be careful though, cat have 6 lifes, they don t mind loosing one :)


PS: btw I m French, in case u need translation of her notebook I can help :D

Pearl said...

Hi, Cess!

You are French? That is good to know.

Perhaps, when it all "goes down", the kitties will spare you!


Judy said...

I always heard they had nine lives so they can stand to lose a few. I like the name Liza Bean, now that is original.

ICKY said...

How do you know theyre not trying to help you? Cats have a knack for spotting zombies, you know.
Zombies and snakes.

Pearl said...

Hi, Judy.

Liza Bean is an adorable little creature. :-)


Hi, Icky,

Zombies! I hadn't even thought of that!


Salil said...

Hi Pearl,
That was purr-fectly funny.
I think Liza is purr-anoid and is in purr-suit of happiness. You may try to purr-suade her to stay back by purr-mising to purr-chase whatever she wants.
Keep us posted about the purr-patrator

Lilly's Life said...

Oh my gosh you and Salil should do a comedy act between you.

You have one special cat there and if I was you I would keep on her right side. She is a cat going places and if you play your cards right she might take you where you least expect. If I was you I would play the same game. Preten dyou are on the phone and start talking in another language - pearl speak if you have to or stop the ocnversation when she walks into th eroom. You need to make her more intrigued aobut you then the other way around.

She is vying for your attention Pearl - thats what. Let us know what goes down though!

Funny girl that you are!

Braja said...

I've heard it summed up perfectly thus: dogs come when you call, cats tell you their busy, leave a message.

btw: Pearl? You're good at this :)