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Monday, December 1, 2008

Liza Bean Has My Number

Knowing my weakness for good chocolate, Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) lured me out of the house the other night.

Lured.

She knows, the fuzzy little manipulator, that I will go out of my way for a piece of good chocolate.

As it turns out, I didn’t have to go far out of my way – just out to the porch.

“I know how much you like a good piece of chocolate,” Liza Bean said, casually. “It’s out on the porch.”

Out on the porch? Now why would it be out there? I better go check on it!

Of course, by the time I had stepped out on to the porch and saw it sitting on the long table normally reserved for smokers and other miscreants, the door had closed and locked behind me.

No worries, though! Chocolate! In hand!

Just a bit of door banging later, Willie let me out of the porch and back into the house; but by that time, Liza Bean had her tiny striped paws on my keys, gotten into the garage, and we watched from the back window as she drove down the alley.

The little bugger.

She came back, of course. As usual, it was 4:00 a.m.. I took the keys off the kitchen table and stepped outside at 4:15.

I sat in the car, out of the freezing wind and started ‘er up. The gas gauge showed “full”. The big ol’ engine on the ’98 Le Sabre was still warm, and the heat blew on to my feet. I turned the stereo on: Stephen Stills' “Love the One You’re With”.

Hmmmm. Not what I expected.

Something shiny in the back seat caught my eye.

It was a gift-wrapped box. There was a card attached to it: “Pearl”, it said, in a neat, spiky script.

I opened the box and nestled in amongst the paper was an emerald-green cashmere beret.

It was beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful.

There was a note tucked inside the cap. I unfolded it. The same spiky cursive handwriting, neat and contained.

You really should be wearing a hat,” it said. It was signed “Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys”.

That little bugger.

18 comments:

Comedy Goddess said...

4:15am? Wild times out there in the mini-apple.

Scott said...

I respect an animal with neat handwriting.

KMcJoseph said...

Full gas tank yes. But who's credit card is she using?

Pearl said...

Hi, Comedy Goddess.
There are ongoing issues with Liza Bean. Who knows where she goes, who she sees, why she gets calls she takes in the bathroom (with the water running) or why her passport has been stamped "Kuala Lumpur"? That cat's up to something...

Hi, Scott.
:-) It shows character, I think.

Hi, KMcJ.
I believe she has a trust fund...

Pearl

Braja said...

Damn that cat.
Can I have my hat back please.

Light fingered little minx.

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

That Liza Bean, for all the mystery she likes to surround herself in, sure seems like a thoughtful kitty.

Have you considered a nanny-cam to see what she gets up to while you are at work?

Pearl said...

Hi, Braja.
:-) You have wonderful taste but I shall have to keep it for the season. We had snow over the weekend -- looks like winter is here!

Hi, Amy.
Good thinking! We may have another blog there... I did notice that when I left the house this morning that she was already on the phone and making coffee...

Pearl

Pearl said...

p.s. Braja. :-) I didn't mention it, but I found something very amusing about the phrase "light fingered little minx". I'm still smiling from that one.

La Belette Rouge said...

Hmm, does Liza Bean have kitty siblings? I could really love an animal who buys me gift.

Ann's Rants said...

I think the bean deserves a matching "mommy and me" green beret. Oooh, perhaps it is a message The Green Berets...

tashabud said...

Liza Bean really knows how to please her master. She's a real keeper.

Tasha

SassyTwoSocks said...

everyone needs a good beret. Is the fact that it's green a secret clue of some sort? Perhaps Liza Bean is an ex-green beret. You know, those crazy mofo's who hide in the dirt and silently stlak/kill their enemies, only to hide them under some leaves so that the other enemies aren't warned by the dead body in the middle of the path. Hmmmmm... that cat is up to something. I'd be careful when wearing that hat...

Patricia said...

She seems so innocent. And in mixed company seems to hide her obviously opposable thumbs. I went so far as to ask her to write out directions to the gas station (turns out we were on E when we got to your place) and she turned tail and stalked away as though she had NO IDEA what I was talking about. hmph.

Pearl said...

La Belette, Liza's siblings are in no way her equal. :-)

OMG, Ann, I just saw that now! You know, it kinda fits...

Hi, Tasha.
She is an amazing little animal, and I've written about her more than once. :-)

Hi, Patricia.
She's that way, isn't she?
BTW, she LOVED Misfit Thanksgiving. I caught her dragging a drumstick into the pantry the next morning. Luckily, I got to her before she got into the fridge for the cranberries.
Fuzzy little beast.

Pearl

Sassy, I think you and Ann are on to something.

Lyndsay said...

Um, Liza can come visit my front porch anytime with CHOCOLATE in her paw.

Ann's Rants said...

Please let Ms. Bean know she's been tagged over on AnnsRants today. I think she has some 'splainin to do.

Brother Tobias said...

That's one talented cat (our dog can't even ride a bicycle).

Braja said...

Pearl: Yes, it is quite the veiled insult, but so artfully delivered that you'd miss it. How's that, I hear you ask?

Well...note the fact that the word "thumbs" wasn't mentioned....