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Monday, March 22, 2010

The Flirty Girl Fitness Workout! Act Now and They’ll Throw in the Pole!

What do you do for your physical fitness? Run in the park? Walk your dog?

I used to run. I fell out of love with it after developing recurring shin splits.

And I’d be willing to walk a dog, but the prospect of spending part of that time carrying a little bag of dog poop hoping for an available garbage can has limited appeal.

Hey! Here’s a new way to stay in shape.

Pole dancing lessons!

Heaven help us, you can now buy a workout DVD called “Flirty Girl”.

Because nothing says “physically fit” like a girl who can dance suggestively around a chair.

And would you believe that if you act now they will throw in a pole? A pole! A metal, phallic work-out aide of your very own. Won’t mom be proud?

“Honey, your legs looks great.”

“Thanks, Mom. It’s the Flirty Girl Workout! I can hang upside down from the pole in my living room now. It’s good for my thighs; and if the economy gets any worse I’ve just expanded my future earning potential!”

It’s like gambling. When I was little, gambling was wrong. It was illegal, conducted in smoke-filled back rooms by men named “Shifty” where involvement eventually led to police records and living in one-room apartments with hot plates and blowsy redheads.

Now? Gambling is a source of revenue for the states and everyone’s a blowsy redhead.

I can’t play with money. I’ve tried. I’ve been to a casino twice. People say that you should only play with the money you’re comfortable losing.

To me, the amount of money I’m comfortable losing is “zero”.

Tends to limit my gambling, the inability to ante up.

Which brings us to the next thing in the long line of things that used to be wrong but is now okay: “exotic dancing”.

I don’t know. I’ve known a couple strippers. They are not the happiest people, nor do they have the nicest bodies.

Then again, pole dancing doesn’t involve carrying around little bags of dog poop.


Simply Suthern said...

Ya know, They are working on a version of Stipper Pole Hero for the Wii. I dont know if ya get points or if cartoon avatars throw Wii dollars at you. Prolly get a garter for the advanced version. So far I have lost $20.50 in the casinos. Worse thing about it was I could have gotten a great buffet with that money. Ya could walk a Zhu Zhu Pet. No poop bag needed.

Ms Sparrow said...

I'm in favor of any activity that doesn't involve dog poop.

Krëg said...

"pole dancing doesn’t involve carrying around little bags of dog poop"

You've been going to the wrong strip clubs. Or maybe I've been going to the wrong strip clubs...

When is "women going topless" going to be added to the long list of things that used to be wrong but is now okay?

Willoughby said...

I've been looking for a new workout, but......no. I don't think I could bring myself to pole dance even with all the blinds closed and the lights turned off during a solar eclipse.

Yodood said...

Pole dancing entertains sacks of dog poop.

Douglas said...

Any dancing at tempos above a waltz (and maybe even there) is good exercise. My ex took up belly dancing for awhile (I think she was attracted to the idea of men putting dollar bills in her waistband) but gave it up. She probably is into pole dancing now.

sage said...

Speaking of dog poop, I've just finished that nice "after the snow, get out into the yard before the mosquitoes" activity of scooping up a winter of poop...

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Yeah, no chance of me getting on this bandwagon either. I'm too self-conscious even in the privacy of my own home!

powdergirl said...

Huh, well, I don't want to carry any dog poop at all, thats a given, right?

But pole dancing is good exercise, don't ask me how I know that.

I knew strippers back in the day when I worked in a club(with my clothes on) and yeah, they 'weren't the happiest or best adjusted people I'd ever met.

Except that one girl who stayed off the coccaine and bought a fabulous little dress shop in a pricey part of the city. she did real well with that, and she sold me some really nice clothes : ) Other than that, I mostly met poor little lost souls with a wide range of addictions and very bad relationships. Sad.

But hey! Have you ever taken a Hip Hop class. Its a gas!

Jayne Martin said...

My workout involves rapid movement of fingers over a keyboard interspersed with short strolls to the kitchen for more coffee.

Pat said...

I'm with you on both counts. I know I shouldn't be shocked that gambling is no longer considered a vice, but I am anyway. It seems like the people who can least afford it are the ones who get addicted to it. But in reality gambling addiction stretches across all walks of life. My husband considers it harmless entertainment and plays the penny slots occasionally, but I just stand beside him and watch stoically as he loses all of his two dollars.

Pearl said...


A hip hop class would be fun -- and there's no dog poop involved, do I have that right?


Ann's Rants said...

I'm all for poop-clean up, but those little baggies are almost as much as a sign of the times as a Starbucks coffee cup.

And Pearl, if your blog ethic is any indication you might be the hardest working person I know.

Yeay for Yoga!


Zaedah said...

As the proud mom of three gigantic dogs, you can imagine the bags I'm saddled with by the end of the daily walk. It's not easy juggling three leashes, three bags and a cane and still maintain uprightness. Really, stop by and grab a pooch any day!

I notice that I'm not a blowsy redhead... I must remedy this!

ellen abbott said...

I went to a casino once. Cashed in $2 for nickels. When my nickels were gone I left. Never been back. Just don't see the appeal of throwing my money away. If I want to throw my money away I'll give it to the street corner beggars. At least I'll get a thank you out of it.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Think of the cool music you will be embracing if you adopt this new hobby.

IB said...

I'm all for pole-dancing. And gambling. And that's all I have to say about that.

troutay said...

The pole would laugh at me and make comments behind my back.
I think I will keep walking

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

Funy you should mention pole dancing. One of my Facebook friends, (who is actually the daughter of my very staunch LDS friend), teaches a pole dancing class and posts about it DAILY! I'm about to block her because the whole thing just skeeves me out!

Tempo said...

...and think of the cool blog vids you could post... very classy these days. LOL