I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

I’m Thinking of Winning the Lottery Soon!

So I was thinking the other day (sometimes, you just can’t help it) that it’s time for me to take a hard look at my life, determine what needs changing, and change it. I discovered this on the bus this morning, and so, while staring at the head of the woman in front of me, I looked deep into my soul.

My biggest problem? I’m living in a capitalist society without the benefit of wealth. Whose idea was this cruel joke? I mean, wouldn’t it be better for everyone – but especially me! – if I had a lot of money? I think so!

If you’re like me – and even if you’re not! – you, too, might be having some money problems. But what does one do when one tires of having Wienie Water Soup day after wienie-water day?

Why not play the lottery?

Get into line at any Super America gas station and watch the money exchanging hands. Everyone’s doing it! People with armloads of potato chips, Ho-Hos, two-liter bottles of pop and $4 of gas for their cars are requesting $20 worth of lottery tickets. Clever ploy! Why buy real food or more than a gallon of gas at a time when you could become a millionaire, just by being bad at mathematical odds?

Because you have to admit your chances are not good. I had to Google it, of course, but the odds of winning in any single-state lottery are 18 million to 1. Eighteen million to one! I think your odds of being attacked by a shark – in Minnesota! – are better.

Still…

Still, I think this is my year. So far, I’m feeling really lucky. I haven’t fallen in the street once (did that twice last year, both times on ice), haven’t been kicked out of anywhere (well, anywhere worth mentioning!) and I’m completely up to date on all my vaccinations. I’m feelin’ lucky.

I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna win the lottery. You read it here first.

Now I just have to buy a ticket.

6 comments:

Pat said...

just don't forget who your REAL friends are ;).

Pearl said...

Pat, you will get a lump sum up front -- what good is money if there's no one to party with?!

Pearl

Pat said...

oh, i don't want money! I just wanna hang with ya while you spend it ;).

Sandra Romfo said...

So, sine you are going to win (I think you will) I can only assume that you`re going to fly me over to wherever you live and take me shopping..hm? ;) lol!

Well, my plan is to become like a billionar or something in about five to seven years... Take over the Donald Trup business and so on....
so by that time we could be like the richest people on earth;)

Pearl said...

Sandra, I like how you think. I'll fly you here and we'll shop at the Mall of America!

Polka dots for everyone!

Pearl

earthboarjewelry said...

Hi Pearl,

You can email me directly at sparkielyle@yahoo.com. Jewelry ideas? Always. Let me know their favorite colors. I think the felines love sparkles as well so some crystal is a must. Give me your price range if you really want to splurge on the little darlin's. Otherwise, kitties are generally $3....except Maine Coon Cats which require much larger work :)

Thanks for checking in,
Cathy @ earthboarjewelry.blogspot.com and earthboarjewelry.etsy.com