There is a drawer at my desk that currently contains a can of organic carrot soup, an envelope of dried soup, canned peaches, a ziploc baggie of dried apricots, and, for crying out loud, a dozen packets of Kikkoman soy sauce.
Good heavens. What am I preparing for?
Canned food. Dried fruits. Lotion, band aids, birthday candles. Wrist guards, silverware, a spare umbrella. Salt packets, dried-up pens. A bottle of Beano sent by one's sister, who worries, often and aloud, about office courtesy.
It is when the sky grows dark, with thunderstorms, blizzards and/or black helicopters that I imagine, all over the world, the drawers of the terminally employed. In my mind, I go quickly from Pearl, Office Wonder Grunt, to Pearl, Last Woman on Earth, skittering through the Habitrail-like skyways and tunnels of Minneapolis, gleaning the canned fruits and extra socks from the abandoned offices of downtown office workers, stopping, perhaps, to nibble, nervously and mouse-like, on random packets of saltines...
Wait. Am I a rodent now?
Good heavens. What am I preparing for?
Canned food. Dried fruits. Lotion, band aids, birthday candles. Wrist guards, silverware, a spare umbrella. Salt packets, dried-up pens. A bottle of Beano sent by one's sister, who worries, often and aloud, about office courtesy.
It is when the sky grows dark, with thunderstorms, blizzards and/or black helicopters that I imagine, all over the world, the drawers of the terminally employed. In my mind, I go quickly from Pearl, Office Wonder Grunt, to Pearl, Last Woman on Earth, skittering through the Habitrail-like skyways and tunnels of Minneapolis, gleaning the canned fruits and extra socks from the abandoned offices of downtown office workers, stopping, perhaps, to nibble, nervously and mouse-like, on random packets of saltines...
Wait. Am I a rodent now?
11 comments:
Hey, those things don't go bad. No pressure to consume them today. Fresh produce is so stressful that way.
I believe in being prepared also. All those things will do you well if Armageddon should come. The Band Aides and the Beano will come in handy.
Pearl--I don't know about you, but I think I am. I chewed my leg off to get away from my second-to-last job. Don't rats do that when they get caught in a trap? ;)
And just think if you could hit up the refrigerators.
I gave you a shout out on my blog. A bus incident.
My purse is like that, too. Which might explain the pinched shoulder nerve.
I can think of worse things than being a rodent. And they're among the few critters likely to survive the apocalypse.
There's always at least one Wonder Grunt in each department. You would NOT believe the things that I have been able to produce at the drop of hat to fellow grunts and executives - things that aren't "office supplies." Although, now that I think of it, the last time I switched desks (because, OH JOY, how they love to move me around), I dumped all my "food supplies" because they were expired. I may need to start stockpiling that again.
Yes, when the apocalypse happens - we Wonder Grunts are going to be the ones everyone else looks to for supplies and organizational skills.
(SO VERY glad you are back! Have I said that yet? xo)
Peanut butter and crackers... I always have both in my office. That’s what I’ll live on (I once prepared for a Cat 5 hurricane in Honduras by buying out that 3rd world country of peanut butter and crackers, thankfully the storm turned and we didn’t take a direct hit, but I was prepared!)
I enjoy your writing
www.thepulpitandthepen.com
You're no rodent, just another run of the mill collector of uselesss stuff, like the rest of us
I am so thankful for my advanced years. I wonder what became of all the malt balls I left behind for some lucky sod to find. Hopefully before the competition secretly bought the place, lock, stock and barrel and fired every last one of the remaining sods, across the board.
Show us your teeth . . . You can always tell by the teeth . . .
At the end of the world (as we know it) there will just be a few ravens, cockroaches, and Pearl, and you will be the dominant life form. I have no doubt that you will be a successful world leader.
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