I've been included in a Minnesota anthology "Under Purple Skies", now available on Amazon!

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Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Oh, You Know. Just Squeakin' By.

There is a drawer at my desk that currently contains a can of organic carrot soup, an envelope of dried soup, canned peaches, a ziploc baggie of dried apricots, and, for crying out loud, a dozen packets of Kikkoman soy sauce.

Good heavens.  What am I preparing for?

Canned food.  Dried fruits.  Lotion, band aids, birthday candles.  Wrist guards, silverware, a spare umbrella.  Salt packets, dried-up pens.  A bottle of Beano sent by one's sister, who worries, often and aloud, about office courtesy.

It is when the sky grows dark, with thunderstorms, blizzards and/or black helicopters that I imagine, all over the world, the drawers of the terminally employed.  In my mind, I go quickly from Pearl, Office Wonder Grunt, to Pearl, Last Woman on Earth, skittering through the Habitrail-like skyways and tunnels of Minneapolis, gleaning the canned fruits and extra socks from the abandoned offices of downtown office workers, stopping, perhaps, to nibble, nervously and mouse-like, on random packets of saltines...

Wait.  Am I a rodent now?



11 comments:

Harry Hamid said...

Hey, those things don't go bad. No pressure to consume them today. Fresh produce is so stressful that way.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

I believe in being prepared also. All those things will do you well if Armageddon should come. The Band Aides and the Beano will come in handy.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Pearl--I don't know about you, but I think I am. I chewed my leg off to get away from my second-to-last job. Don't rats do that when they get caught in a trap? ;)

Linda O'Connell said...

And just think if you could hit up the refrigerators.
I gave you a shout out on my blog. A bus incident.

jenny_o said...

My purse is like that, too. Which might explain the pinched shoulder nerve.

I can think of worse things than being a rodent. And they're among the few critters likely to survive the apocalypse.

Gigi said...

There's always at least one Wonder Grunt in each department. You would NOT believe the things that I have been able to produce at the drop of hat to fellow grunts and executives - things that aren't "office supplies." Although, now that I think of it, the last time I switched desks (because, OH JOY, how they love to move me around), I dumped all my "food supplies" because they were expired. I may need to start stockpiling that again.

Yes, when the apocalypse happens - we Wonder Grunts are going to be the ones everyone else looks to for supplies and organizational skills.

(SO VERY glad you are back! Have I said that yet? xo)

sage said...

Peanut butter and crackers... I always have both in my office. That’s what I’ll live on (I once prepared for a Cat 5 hurricane in Honduras by buying out that 3rd world country of peanut butter and crackers, thankfully the storm turned and we didn’t take a direct hit, but I was prepared!)

I enjoy your writing

www.thepulpitandthepen.com

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

You're no rodent, just another run of the mill collector of uselesss stuff, like the rest of us

Joanne Noragon said...

I am so thankful for my advanced years. I wonder what became of all the malt balls I left behind for some lucky sod to find. Hopefully before the competition secretly bought the place, lock, stock and barrel and fired every last one of the remaining sods, across the board.

Diane Tolley said...

Show us your teeth . . . You can always tell by the teeth . . .

Jono said...

At the end of the world (as we know it) there will just be a few ravens, cockroaches, and Pearl, and you will be the dominant life form. I have no doubt that you will be a successful world leader.