Hello hello hello!
Acme Gravel and Grommets Corporate lackey here! I’m so glad you dropped by!
You know, I don’t always come into work on time, but when
I do, rest assured it coincides with the days that there is no one else on the
floor. People on vacations, people
working from home (WFH, or as those in the know say, “whiffing”), people
working from, oh, who knows where. It’s
the anything-goes 21st century, where people take conference calls
from the beach and people in the office are alone with their computers and overcome with the sound of the heating/cooling
system, a gentle whoosh that makes you grab last winter’s shawl and
contemplate the under-desk nap you’ve been meaning to take for the last 30
years.
An intern skulks by. Backpacked and pale, she heads
toward the elevator bank, beaten down through long hours (here and at school) and a
propensity for introversion. Poor thing. She hasn’t built up any work defenses yet. Shall
I tell her of “the ropes”? Tell her
where the good pens are hidden? Would
she possibly be interested in knowing of the offices most likely to produce quality,
under-desk naptime?
Far down the hall, the World’s Busiest Assistant is whistling. She’s been in this line of work since certain
fish took to land and is remarkably unwilling to learn anything beyond what she
already knows. But oh! The pressure!
Has she told you of the time she had to order lunch for 20 and THEY
FORGOT THE NAPKINS?
She will.
And on the day she tells me again, I shall smite her.
Note to Self: Must
warn intern of making eye contact with the WBA, that to agree to lunch is madness, that she should never leave
with her to a third location.
Ah.
So there was a reason for me coming in today, after all.
14 comments:
I usually work in the evenings now, alone or with one other person, due to scarcity of desks, and I get so much more done. I'm very easily distracted and it's so nice and quiet with no one there. But I do miss seeing people.
Yes, your existence has been justified! That intern might turn out to be the person who saves the world. Ya just never know.
Being out of the corporate world for many years has me out of the loop (where was that "loop" anyway? Oh maybe those "ropes" were used for the loop.) and whiffing is a new one for me. Whiffing used to be related to glue - right?
Third location - oh like the third rail?
Dang me, dang me
They oughta take a rope and hang me.....
Jenny, I can choose to work from home, but where's the fun? Seems I need people...
Bill, I believe you are referring to huffing. Don't do it, Bill! Don't do it! (Extra love for the Roger Miller reference!)
Yeah I knew it wasn't the same but it sounds like to me. Ok WFH could become whiffing with a few choice vowels but it could go in other directions too. I shares two letters with WTF.
You justify your existence each and every time you post.
As far as the under-the-desk naps, it's you and George Costanza, right?
Get his carpenter to build a shelf under your desk, so you can put an alarm clock there.
Corporate America...it's a different ballgame these days; that's for sure.
While the WFH option is nice - it irritates when certain people abuse the privilege - there's always one or one hundred. And the interns? Yea gods - when did we start hiring 12 year olds?
Great post and I especially like the line about the assistant who’s been at the job since fish came up on land!
I came and read and think interesting and now I leave
I'm such a sucker for all the acronyms. Wait, I mean fool. That's it. A fool.
Who came up with the phrase "Working from home"? Where is the "from" from? Working at home, that is what they are doing. Please make sure this is included in all Acme contracts hence.
I am so glad you are back. Love starting my day with a gem...Pearl.
Knowing where the good pens are kept - awesome! I once worked in bank operations (first job after college). Insanely boring answering a help line that no one used anymore. And Hell, I was tired. The bathroom had a little room off to the side where there was a built in couch/bench and a counter/shelf. Makeup applying room? At any rate, I really did lay down in there and nap. It was one of the few perks I enjoyed there. Now I work from home/at home: babysitting for teachers' kids. Nap time built in and glorious and TOTALLY NECESSARY! (for them, but for me too!)
I've worked from home my whole life. There are a lot of strange people who pass through these hallowed halls. Many of whom are related. To me.
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