I was at the bus stop Friday morning when I realized that the white cotton eyelet jacket I was wearing had a small yet undeniably smeared stain of some sort, right where it buttons over the chest. The chest! It was as if someone – or something, since I was willing to point a grubby finger at anyone but me – had dipped their digits into banana, possibly butterscotch pudding, and then buttoned my jacket.
It had not been noticeable in the least when I had taken it out the night before. Nor was it noticeable when I put it on.
In the glaring light of Casual Friday, however, one is led to believe that the owner and/or wearer of this particular jacket is unfamiliar with napkins and their uses.
I consider the fact that I hadven’t worn this jacket in well over a year. It was clean when I put it away. I was sure of it. I don’t, after all, hang up dirty clothes.
I try to recollect the last time that someone might’ve eaten – not pudding perhaps, but judging by the color, possibly a bowl of curry – in my closet. I mean, there are parties; and then there are parties.
Holla!
I lazily imagine how I could turn this misfortune into an opportunity, maybe a little get-to-know-you exercise on the bus, our seatmates encouraged to make assumptions about each of us based on the stains on our clothes. I wonder what my jacket says about me…
The bus comes into view as it occurs to me that I could just walk home and change. I discard this thought immediately: the next bus won’t be around for another 20 minutes, and by then I will be late for work.
I take my jacket off and put it in my yoga bag.
I don’t know what that stain is, how it got there, or what it says about me as a person, but I do know this: I have never eaten pudding - or curry! - in my closet.
I don't care what you've heard.
And I still have no idea what that stain could be.
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37 comments:
Curry? I'd ask that time traveling, Euthanasia Curry Shop patron, Indigo Roth if he's been in your closet. It's the only obvious explanation.
I totally blame Liza Bean.
That is so obvious, though, it almost goes without mentioning.
Of course, #1 is that you don't want to dwell on it. :-)
At least the stain was on something you could remove and not be arrested for lack of.
i like babyjohn's comment. :)
pudding and curry
you gots some splaining to do Lucy!
I was going to be like Susan up there and point the paw at Liza Bean, and then I thought, Dolly Gee is more likely - wouldn't white eyelet be smashing with Daisy Duke shorts???
There you've done it again: intrigued us with a tale of mystery. Discretion, as they say, is the better part of valor, and you did well to hide the possibly incriminating evidence before boarding ye bus.
Give that ol' stain a lick! You know you want to.
Tuning tomorrow for that get-to-know-you "Guess my Stain" game on the bus. This could be good.
In California, we have sinkholes that creep around under streets and, when no one's looking, surface to everyone's dismay. Minnesota obviously has a migrating stain. Safer, but still destructive.
Don't you know? After they sneak into your dryer and steal that sock that always goes missing in your laundry, gremlins hang out in your closet and party. THey use the odd sock to clean up but they sometimes miss a stain.
You need to be more lert!
cranky
hahaha, joeh!
with the gremline revolution coming back, he may have a point
their adventures are many, fer sure!
I am SO sorry. I feel just awful. I hoped you wouldn't notice. I borrowed the jacket without telling you and then got drunk and then I was dancing while eating chicken curry and well... But I was really reelived to see that the pee stains didn't show at all.
Hm, secret closet banana curry party! And you weren't invited!? Tuk tuk tuk. : ) x
you must have a walk-in closet to think of this option. The best "closet" I have ever had the pleasure of opening its door was one in SF where my BIL lived once. Inside was a shower that's about all that was inside it.
I hate to be the spoilsport here but all unknown and previously undetected stains are yellow/orange. It is a rule. Something about the dark closets and drawers have a huge color impact on stains that were removed and when they realize they were exorcised they turn this odd mustardy curry color and for time eternal can never be oxi sprayed again.
I have done the same thing, put something on that had a stain. I don't mind if it appears on my midriff, I hold my purse in front of it, but it is difficult to hide on on the chest!
I agree, the chest area is always a spot magnet - mostly because we carry it all before...BUT this comment is just to let you know, I've found your address in that lost 'safe place', so when next I can get to a post office, your poster will be on its way! ♥
Holla!!
I love that without fail, your posts always manage to make me laugh.
Time to start wearing bibs again, Pearl.
Rosemary
Hey Pearl! Did you not notice the coffee stain on your blouse?! Roth x
So after I got done blaming Miss Dolly Gee, I decided it was time to get serious about this grievous stain thing. After all, cats being cats, it's going to happen again for sure. Threaten them - both of them - with a complete ban on "the good shrimp" (particularly in curry) :)
I hope it's okay to comment twice. There is such little room in my brain for new thoughts that I have to let one out before there's room for a new one to form.
Did you have fried egg for breakfast? Think, try to remember. That happenes to me sometimes too. I used to blame the cat, but he died years ago and every now and then I find a yellow spot on a white blouse. Thanks for all the laughs.
Another difference between men and women---a guy would never have noticed the stain, and if he had he wouldn't care.
Another difference between men and women---a guy would never have noticed the stain, and if he had he wouldn't care.
I'm with Susan in the Boonies.
Since you lead such a wild life I'd prefer not to hazard a guess to the origin of the stain. However, it's always a good idea to make sure to always leave your house wearing clean undcies and with a Tide-to-Go stain stick in your purse.
undies- sorry about that
I think it's time the perpetrator comes out of the closet!
Ah, the mystery stain. So intriguing. So aggravating! Shall I tell you about the one I discovered on my white sweater after I removed my coat at church? I went into the washroom, turned that sweater inside out, and put it back on.
When anyone pointed it out, I told them that the sweater had a spot on the other side. I guess everyone is used to me. They all just smiled. Better the stain you hear about than the stain you see . . .
I would recommend an empirical test.
Simply chew the jacket, and describe the taste.
Voila, problem solved.
They don't just call me TwistedScottishGeniusBastard for nothing you know.
It's either moth poop or something that was invisible when you dripped it and has yellowed over time. Perhaps a drop of milk. Unnoticed at the time, now yellowed.
White clothing is like that. It acts as a stain magnet. And not your easily removed stains either...
Hate to say it but might it be the remains of some nasty little creature that got on your jacket? Fell on it from a tree? Bird poo?
I am sure that you don't sit in your closet and eat pudding but it is a wonderful mental image :D
Hope you get to the dry cleaning fluid soon.
Come on, we all know it was Mary, even you!
The big question is WHY? Is she trying to make you look bad? Is this some kind of payback for your long and checkered history? Is she really stealing your clothes, wearing them and putting them back UNWASHED!
But doesn't curry go perfectly with margaritas?
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