The server was down at work the other day; and since both our computers and our phones are intertwined in some black-magicked Information Technology-fashion (I don’t want to get too technical here) there was a substantial lull in my day.
It got me thinking…
When I first started working, right after the first World War – the War to End All Wars, we called it – the office was a markedly different place than it is today. Copies were made by the monks kept in the back room, communications were made by carrier pigeon (they’re extinct now, you know), and you were allowed to smoke at your desk. It’s true! You were also allowed to smoke in theaters, on airplanes, in bars and restaurants, in hospitals, in court – in other words, everywhere. I have pictures of aunts holding newborns with cigarettes dangling from their lips.
But I digress.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a fan of progress. Big fan of portable music, of mobile phones, of movies you can buy and watch whenever you like. Why, you used to have to wait until Thanksgiving to see the Wizard of Oz! Now you can see it any time you like and as many times as you like.
But when that stuff stops working, that’s when you notice just how much you’ve relied on it – and how little you really know about how it works.
The TV’s not working – NOW what do I do? I pushed the button on the remote – hard – but it still doesn’t work. What should I do? Should I push the button again?
I dropped my cell phone in the toilet and lost every phone number I had. Collecting all those numbers again? That’ll take forever. Would it be wrong to just get all new friends?
The server’s down at work and there’s nothing I can do that doesn’t require my accessing something via computer – and that’s when I ask myself: why aren’t I doing something real, like throwing pots or breeding dogs?
My clothes come from stores, my meat comes on Styrofoam wrapped in plastic, and the information I, an end-user, need to be productive is housed mysteriously in a black box.
How did I let this get so out of control?
But what can I do? I’m a cog. A small, undistinguished cog in a large, distinguished machine.
My first thought: rebel. I must rebel.
I’ve got to fight the power. But how?
Going forward, I will continue to buy my clothes in stores; but I will do all my own alterations. I’ve stapled fallen hems before, and by God, I can do it again.
Going forward, I will continue to buy my meat from places where it comes in Styrofoam and wrapped in plastic, primarily because I live in the city and don’t know anyone who raises their own meat.
City rabbits and raccoons are harder to catch than you’d think…
Going forward, I will continue to go to my job, where I will continue to work, on a computer, as I always have, powerless when it stops working…
Working? Wait a minute. That’s it. I’m going at this all wrong! Back to the land! That’s what I need to do. Like my forefathers, I’ll eke out an existence by the sweat of my brow. I’ll sell the house, buy a couple hundred acres on a river, get some cows and some goats, do my own butchering, make my own butter, dip my own candles, raise a passel of kitties.
Subsistence farming, man. That’s where it’s at.
Yeah. No. Not gonna happen.
My rebelling sucks.
46 comments:
Well, I had a comment all worked out until I saw the first comment, above, there, Mr. BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN! He has just provided you with a post, my Pearl! Hope he comments on my blog - I need an idea for next week. Come on over, mr BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN! Cut and paste your comment on my page! I double-dawg dare ya!
lol - oh, Pearl. The crackheads abound.
OK That spam comment above ---- me off and I am not even American OK don't hate me I do know and read Americans:).
You crack me up Pearl and I do have a couple of cute cows for sale they may like apartment living but I am not sure your neighbours would appreciate the nice cow patties but what a great blog post that would make. Great post.
Down with spam comments!!!! B
oh, mr. boycott. i detest him, so...
liked your whole life-altering post. :) passel of cats fits right in with mr. boycott's message...
I would like to volunteer to look after all the American women he wants to boycott. No pushing ladies, this American male wants you!
This has been a public service announcement...
any takers?
You wrote:
I have pictures of aunts holding newborns with cigarettes dangling from their lips
Now, I know (in my stony little heart) that you want to imply that the aunts had the cigarettes dangling from their lips but I saw babies happily drooling around a Marlboro or two.
Don't mean to criticize... it's not you, it's me (where have you heard that before?).
I think Mr. Boycott was mistreated by an American woman... possibly recently... certainly effectively. I also suspect it was him, not her, at fault.
I have had a similar problem to the one you experienced at work. Since I use Vonage, when the high speed (Ha!) connection is down, I have only my cell phone (which does not work more than sporadically in the house) to call the cable company on.
Oh hell no! The boycot American women guy is back. Idiot.
My initial comment was going to be......Don't tell me you're joining a commune!
I am so removed from work that I read "the server at work is down" and thought it was you, in black slacks, a crisp white blouse and those new shoes--on the ground.
I suspect my grandparents were of the last generation to understand all their possessions and we do seem to suffer a disconnection from the products we use now. I don't know what the American Woman has to do with that but I don't blame her.
Awww, that poor slob who wants to boycott us must have really been rejected badly. I hope he gets his self-esteem back enough so that he doesn't have to impose himself on some needy imported bride.
Gee whiz Pearl...you just got rid of one capital letter, garble spouting, occasional profanity interjecting crackhead and now you've got another one (no....not me).
Anyway, on to your problem of rebelling. Baby steps Pearl...baby steps. Start getting your information from paper....then move on to strictly a land line phone (you can still get refurbished dial phones that will work you know), then go to the farmers market for your veggies and meats....one thing at a time....snail mail...little things. The job you are, unfortunately, stuck with but you will have your little oasis of rebellion to return home to at night. Or not. Hang in there girl.
Yeah, you'd make a pretty fickle Luddite.
I don't think I'd be any good at the subsistence farming either. Two black thumbs and too faint of heart to do any butchering ... I could trade my kitty-raising and sewing skillz for beef and veggies, maybe :)
Wait, we're not EATING the kitties, are we?!
LOL, I never saw the boycott american women guy before ... someones mama is looking for him.
Pearl... you dropped the phone in the toilet .. weren't you able to fish the numbers out ? or did they just slide down the tubes ?
I get ya on the remote, no matter how hard I push, nothing happens here either .. don't push again, hit the remote. That might help. Hit it hard !
Who would you throw the pots at ? I say that is a great way of releasing frustration, that or just play with the clay and make a funny mask.
Breeding dogs is so easy, they don't even need you !
Somehow I just don't see you as a COG ... you have to try harder to sell me on that one.
There are no city rabbits and raccoons.
Someone is pulling your leg.
We are moving to a country location.
You can come visit. It will cure all your needs for moving to the country, you will go home so freaking glad that you live in the city.
love you ... from a very cold and sunny Buenos Aires, C
You're a woman after my own heart. All my alterations include staples, binder clips and on the rare occasion I do use thread, the black sharpie marker to color it in since the only color thread available was light green.
Aw, I want ten acres, 2 dogs and 4 goats, but then I'd also like Mr Bitter Boycott to trip on a threshold and be at the mercy of Nurse Ratchet.
I have been watching the series Mad Men on Netflix. It is amazing to see everyone smoking everywhere, just like you have described.
I can't believe the boycott guy is still around, he made the same comments a few years ago on my blog. Maybe since folks are boycotting Chick Fil-a and others Starbucks and Target, he thinks he can pick up a few followers... Now, what was it you were talking about... smoking at the desk and carrier pigeons and imprisoned monks?
You can see that i write my comments before I read the others so that I am not influenced by them. Had I looked, though, I would have been feeling so sorry for mr. boycotter that I probably would have forgotten my comment. Can anyone say "therapy"?
Thanks for reminding us how dependent we have become on technology. I suggest you bring in an old mechanical typewriter for power outages and servers going down. Remember those typed memos that smelled of tobacco?
I dropped my keys in the toilet once, wasn't quick enough to recover them. Caught hell from the bar tender the next night who had been griping about how some bimbo must have clogged up the plumbing with a flushed feminine hygiene product.
And babies with cigarettes dangling from their lips, those were the good old days! And don't I just feel sorry for all the women that boycott american women guy has had contact with over the years. What a putz.
Keep on Pearl. You make me laugh so hard some days.
Living off the fat of the land? Nah... ain't gonna happen! Better not quit the day job yet... even if the server's down and you can't smoke at your desk.
About dropping your phone in the toilet....that's the risk you take when you set it on vibrate and put it in your panties!
Dur Pearl, you can never go back to the land you know - not unless you can figure out a way to keep generating enough electricity to power your PC and keep your blog going...
I know, I always think I'd like a simpler, more natural existence, but I guess it really wouldn't be simpler in the end, just harder work. If they could just invent something cheap and simple to deal with dog poop, I'd be set.
Everyone knows that Carrier Penguins are not eXtinct.
Hey Pearl!
"Would it be wrong to just get all new friends?"
Heh. Every friend I've ever has eventually makes a phone-in-the-toilet excuse. Clearly, I meet a lot of unlucky folk.
Roth x
I must admit the idea of living simpler has appealed to me a time or two. But then reality snaps me back right quick.
Your server's down?
Don't panic!
Go back to the basics.
Play solitaire with real cards.
Rebelling sounds like work!
I'm not sure you need to make all new friends, with the loss of their phone numbers, but you do need to stop calling them, which will be infinitely more easy now than before the toilet tragedy.
Be sure you inform all the American females in your friendship circle, when you see them face-to-face, that you can't speak to them or take them to bed or marry them anymore because you've recently received some passionate advice regarding their questionable quality.
Do continue to take to bed your Thai and Canadian and Brazilian galpals, however. They're fine.
A group of kittens is called a "kindle".
I wonder a group of Kindles or a group of Nooks is called?
Hey! The fact that you thought about it carries some weight here. I give you 50% credit towards actually doing those things. For me, I don't EVER want to have to slog my way through cow crap again, and be pissed on by cows again, or any other of the million unpleasant things that can, and do happen on farms. I'm a city boy now.
You are darn funny, you...
Dear Pearl, it's easy to start raising your own meat, start with something small like guinea pigs and move up from there :)
I can't tell you the comfort I get these days from flattening out the cardboard, rinsing out the plastic milk bottles, washing the glass bottles and jars and also the tins - with the odd laceration. These all go into their proper bins and the food waste in a disposable bag also in the correct container.
Then I can sleep at nights,
Pearl, Pearl, Pearl...if the TV remote doesn't work, you need to change the batteries!!
Anything else not working? Plug it into its charger.
Server at work down? Put your feet up and read a book.
Or get pencil and paper and write some blog post ideas.
If I had to rely on my wits to survive I'd fade away pretty quickly. Still, where there's life there's hope and you can always hope that someone, somewhere knows what to do . . .
Ah, Pearl, whatever makes you happy! : )))
I know you don't do awards... and I award you anyway - but no further action is needed!
This is only for your info http://hannah-denski.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/my-awards.html
:)x
I'm thinking you may want to start another hippie movement. I'm also thinking the blathering guy is back on his meds and is now writing more coherently.
Subsistence farming?
I have a few tomatoes, some green beans, and what I suspect are peppers.
Looks like another "Red Robin" night.
I remember back when "the server isn't working" meant you had to get your OWN coffee and doughnuts.
Nice SPAM.
NO WAY I boycott American women!!!! I'm married to an American woman and I like having her around. Without American women, I'd have to fly to Europe...or Asia.
Or be gay.
PENWASSER DISCLAIMER: Not that there's anything wrong with that.
The spam moron is a misogynist that has nothing better to do. Technology should allow computer touch-pads that "are working" according to the computer--to actually work.
Good idea, get some cows, goats and chickens--grow some potatoes too. Don't forget to grow some rutabagas and parsnips to throw at the misogynist up top there. ":)
Pearl, I forgot, open the back of the TV remote and just "spin" the batteries in place. If that doesn't work, change the batteries. ":) If that doesn't work, visit
www.incomingbytes.blogspot.com
You do suck at rebelling, but it makes for good blog posts.
That spammer? Funny funny boy. But I'm glad to know that as a Canadian I'm ok, though I've been known to be immature, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. Highly unchaste was the most fun.
Does one need to own heavy woolen socks in order to live off the land in Minnesota? Just a hunch.
Sorry. I hate to say this, but I'm going to have to go elsewhere for my rebellion.
Fear not, my Pearl. I think as long as there's money to be made, the trolls will keep the infrastructure up and running, and fools like you and me will continue to have access to technology.
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