I Assume She Was Using the Royal “We”

Sometimes, the things my friends say make me pull out my book and write them down.  This was one of those times.

Ring-ring!  Ring-ring!

“Good morning, Acme Gravel and Grommets, Pearl speaking.”

“Yes, I’d like to order four gravels and a grommet, please.”

I hiss at Mary in a mock display of anger:  “I told you to never call me here.”

“Yeah, well,” she says, “You keep answering, this sort of thing will happen.”

“Hmm,” I say, pretending to write it down.  “Stop answering phone during day.”

In the background come the sounds of birds, the crunching of feet on a path.

“Walkin’ T-Bone?”

“Yeah. Dang dog makes me walk him.”

“He’s a terrible animal.”

She laughs.  “He is, isn’t he?”  In my mind’s eye, I see her bend over, ruffle the hair around the dog’s neck in a maneuver she calls “givin’ T the business”.  “Who’s a terrible animal?  Huh?  Who’s a big terrible animal?”

It’s safe to assume that T-Bone agrees, repeatedly, with his master in his overall terrible-ness.

“And what are you doing this morning??”

“Oh, you know,” I say, “the usual work-ly things.  I have a report that –“

“Holy Hannah,” Mary interjects.  “I have to let you go.  I think we're pooping in someone’s yard.”

And we both laugh.  “Hey!” I say, “we don’t talk like that!”

“You know what I mean,” she says, her smile audible.  “Have a good day, Pearl!”

“You, too, Mary.”

Click.