I was out driving the other day. In a car.
Cars are so much different than buses, aren’t they? They’re smaller, for one thing. I noticed that right off. And then there’s all that “paying attention” to do.
And it was while I was “paying attention” that I saw something that I’d seen thousands of times before; but this time, I saw it with new eyes.
OK. Not really new eyes. They were my old eyes.
Let’s not get into semantics.
There was a sign on the side of the road, one of those signs with the little light bulbs in it so that you can see it at night.
“Yield Ahead.”
Good advice. There’s a certain amount of yielding that we all must do.
And that got me thinking: Those signs should be in more places.
“Stop eating now.”
“You would do best to keep your mouth shut.”
“You are wearing patterned underwear with white pants.”
But no. We don’t have signs like that. Sure, I’m a taxpayer; but apparently we’re on our own here.
Who do you suppose I could talk to to get one of those lighted signs in my house? I never turn down free advice.
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44 comments:
Maybe you could start up a business of your own manufacturing these helpful signs? I could use one that blinks on and off and says CHILL whenever I'm around family.
I think a nice sign would read, 'Don't take it personally.' I think reading that with regularity would help my psyche out quite a bit.
"Stop eating now." For some reason most doctors seem to be afraid to use that one. No advice, no recommendations. It's even okay if the patient refuses to step on the dreaded scales. It's not until a person develops something like heart disease, diabetes or arthritis that can be charged to insurance that most doctors will go into action. Even if the doctor offers remedies it is usually a bad photo copy of a list of do's and don'ts. There's more money to be made by selling food than by assisting the overweight. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? So sorry about the rant.
What's the old saying? Free advice is worth what you paid for it...
But on a lighted sign! It's worth much more :)
Delores, "CHILL" would be nice. Maybe even a big "DON'T WORRY -- NO ONE NOTICED"!
Suze, I like that. I could've used that particularly in my 20s. "THEY WEREN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU SPECIFICALLY..."
Leenie, :-) I like when you get all worked up...
jenny_o, :-) Kind of my thinking -- if it's lighted, it might mean more...
Too funny - loved this post.
Indeed, with the holidays looming, it would be nice to have a wee little blinkie sign that says "breathe - just take a deep breath Camille". My dentist does this for me when I'm in his chair but he's not always around when I need him...like when I'm cooking for 19 or 20 miscreants...wait, I meant relatives.
Now THAT is a good idea! I'd like one in my yard that says, "take your dog elsewhere to crap!"
I'm afraid I'd get a sign that said IGNORE PREVIOUS SIGN--what then? I'm sorry, I'm still a little upset. We had dinner at a Chinese restaurant last night & my fortune cookie was EMPTY!
And the sign said "Long-haired freaky people need not apply"
Some signs are good, like a sign of the times. But I hate those signs showing a low speed limit as I approach at a much higher speed.
Camille, my dentist gives me gas, which helps me slow down as well. Wait. That doesn't sound right, does it?!
Pat, you should do what I do -- yell at them that I know where they live and to never come here again. :-)
fishducky, my father always claims to get a fortune cookies that say "Help. I'm being held captive in a Chinese bakery."
Warning sign posted at a restaurant
EXCESSIVE INTAKE WILL CAUSE SEAM BURSTING!
bill, :-) that was good.
Get an iPhone, I'm sure there's an app for that.
I would like a gentle reminder sign near the dirty laundry that says, "It is never a good idea to wait until 11 PM Sunday night to do the week's laundry."
Since I seem to do that every weekend, maybe the reminder would be of help to me.
I'll take one with "Hands off the Chocolate" that applies to everyone BUT me!
What a great idea. . . .I think!
Believe me, you do NOT want a bunch of bossy signs trying to run your life every time you turn around. I'm getting really tired of being commanded to "Live, Love, Laugh" every time I go in someone's kitchen.
You would totally ignore it. You know you would.
Another sign should be: 1) Your butt is too big for those white stretch pants and 2) the black thong does not add to the ensemble in an aesthetically pleasing way.
I want a Keep your damn hands off MY plants! sign. No Drama would help too.
It's a shame. We should only need one sign. Use common sense.
Well maybe a second sign pointing the way to the common sense store.
And if they didnt already have the common sense there would have to be a sign to the checkout line. Hmmm?
Maybe signs are a neccesary evil.
My granddaughter chose a sign that says, "Be Strong" over her work desk. I thought about that. She has a lot of difficulties to overcome (OCD) and I think that sign gives her strength to face the day. I need one that says, "Get off your ass and do it."
We have GIVE WAY signs rather than YIELD in the UK, which I think is nice, encouraging gernerosity and altruism.
'Yield here' brings all sorts of ideas to mind, principally those of the 'maiden with heaving breast' type.
'Congestion ahead' - does this mean I'll contract a cold??
Loved this post Pearl. I would like a sign that says 'relax and have a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit' 3 times a day.
How about a 'Time to go home' for annoying guests?!LOL
I think any sign in my place would have to change colours and locations frequently so it could surprise me. I just know I'd get complacent and ignore it after just two days no matter what it said.
Rosemary
The Burma Shave folks used to give it to the public in increments. Even flashing lights won't deter me from stuffing my mug. Patterned panties, uhm, no!
I would like a "For Pete's sake, would you let it go already" posted every 3 miles.....
Oh wow! Could I do with a few signs around here. "Because I said so!" is the first one that comes to mind. It would be placed wherever my son happens to be at the time.
I want the "stop eating" sign - and in fact I need and deserve it. I think I'll just go ahead & make a nice one for myself. I don't think HR next door would mind if I used their laminator.
Two oldies but goodies: Always wear clean underwear and never eat Chinese food from a vending machine.
The best hoarding that I saw was this 'Why are you looking here. Look at the road while driving'
:)
I have always wanted a small yard sign with the following:
"Your pet is welcome, but not it's poo.
Any left will be immediately returned to you."
About as close as I've ever come to one of those signs that relates to life is the one on the offramp that says to would-be on-rampers: "Go back. You're going the wrong way." Yep. I could have used that a lot of times in my life.
I suspect that I couldn't move around freely if I had all the signs I need at my house. Possily just a simple no.
We have a stop sign near where we live and there are little lights powered by a solar cell that make it visible in all sorts of weather and light. I ran it once in the middle of the day before they put that little battery set up on it. Now I see it.
Your post broght to mind Bill Engvall's redneck/blue collar humor and his saying of "Here's your sign." when people do really silly things. Your idea of "DON'T WORRY -- NO ONE NOTICED"! totally cracked me up!
You can buy them on eBay Pearl, the ones about two foot long where the words run from one end to the other over and over...(go for it)Imagine the great advice you could give to people passing your house....
White pants should be lined from waist to upper thigh. always.
When I first got to the UK, Mark recommended that I get a driving lesson or two to get acclimatised to roundabouts, motorways and their signs and such.
I saw a curious triangle shaped sign bordered in red with what was clearly two old people with canes trying to cross a road.
My driving instructor told me that meant "Target" :p
"Target Old People" was one of the first lessons I learned.
I think you've come up with a genius idea here. Can we get some flashing signs in the offices of major retailers that say "Christmas is in December. Yield to Thanksgiving." ?
I'd love a road sign that said "BACK OFF AND QUIT TAILGATING."
Pearl! Whatever were you doing riding the car?
All those folks on the bus must be wondering where you are! and the stories you are missing!
I love the signs in America. 'Yield' is so poetic compared to 'give way'.
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