Local Turkey Seeks Hen for Long-Term Relationship, or Thanksgiving is not a Funny Holiday

Are you, like me, a single bird tired of the barn scene?

Like me, do you want more out of life than rising at dawn and stuffing your gullet with corn? Do you seek ground cover with someone who can challenge you, intellectually? How about travel? Do you foresee going to Iowa someday?

Hi! My name is Tom. I have been pecking and scratching since spring and am now looking for someone with whom I can share my life.

Could you be that special bird?

Although I currently work in a farming community, I am not opposed to meeting someone from the city. And while my accommodations at the moment are of a communal/roommate-living type arrangement, I’ve got my eye on several spots in the western suburbs for when the time comes to find a place of my own.

Physically, I’m pretty big for my age. The meals provided lately have been pretty heavy on the starches but I have plans for Bikram Yoga and a kickboxing class in the weeks before Christmas.

My pet peeves include jellied cranberries, birdshot, and dogs with a retrieving instinct. Hobbies include walking through the woods, bird watching, not-looking-up when it rains, and hot tubs.

But what about you?

Tell me about yourself. The ideal mate would be well-read and attractive. No artificial hormones, no alcoholics, and no chicks, please.

I’m booked ‘til next week but should have lots of time on my wings afterwards.

Call me!