Mary’s relationship is going swimmingly; and there are milestones to prove it.
“I don’t know,” she says. “Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve been super-impressed with Jon lately.”
I am listening and working at the same time. “Go on,” I whisper into my headset.
“Well,” she says, “I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I think he might be paying attention to what I’m saying.”
There is a pause as the importance of this sinks in.
Jon has many wonderful qualities. He’s smart. He’s funny. He's easy on the eyes. He can take apart, fix, build, and operate any machine or engine presented to him.
He cannot, however, wash dishes, make a sandwich, or recall if they’ve RSVPed to a bike rally or a christening.
“You mean to say,” I hazard, “that he appears to be listening?”
“No, no,” she says. I can almost hear her shaking her head in wonderment. “I mean I said something the other day and not only were his eyes on me when I said it, he asked a follow-up question.”
There is silence.
“Did you check his pupils?”
“He seemed to be conscious and aware of his surroundings.”
I stop. “We need to mark this occasion. It’s the first time you’ve seen this behavior, right?”
We may be on the phone, but I know Mary is nodding. “It’s like when the baby rolls from his stomach to his back for the first time,” she says.
“That’s what I’m thinking!”
Mary laughs. “I’m gonna get a lock of his hair, paste it into a book.”
“They’re precious at this stage, aren’t they?”
She laughs again. “Do you think it would be tacky for me to save his teeth? He had one pulled about a month ago – I wonder if the dentist still has it?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think the dentist is holding on to Jon’s bad teeth.”
“Ya never know,” she offers.
I shake my head again but decide to play along, see how far it will go. “Sure,” I grin. “What the hell. Give the dentist a call.”
“Psssss.” She’s dismissing me now. “We’re talking milestones here! Next thing you know he’ll know where his shoes are.”
“Or where you keep the bread,” I offer.
“He'll express an interest in folding laundry!”
There is silence.
“I’ve gone too far, haven’t I?” she says.
“Baby steps,” I say.
About Bob Dylan
5 days ago
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38 comments:
Only "Sounds" Sexist???
Maybe if you are just discussing Jon.
However, Me thinks me detected a bit of Male inclusiveness in that “They’re precious at this stage, aren’t they?” comment.
Watch your step there Missy or I'll have Willie start leaving the seat up.
Simply, :-) Yeah. Ya got me.
Those moments are rare indeed. ;)
Wow that's impressive. Mine once asked me what he could do to help and I asked him to clean the toilet. Then he asks where the toilet brush is!!!
Surprisingly enough it was beside the toilet where it had been living since BEFORE I MOVED IN!
I swear I know someone who's husband once yelled, from the kitchen, "Where's the milk?" He was looking in the fridge but couldn't find it...
It sounds like he might be going through a phase. Don't worry, it will pass - just feed him beer.
I tried listening once, I can't say it struck me as being all that worthwhile.
Jon met a woman on the internet. Sorry.
Oh that is too funny! Although I must say Mr. Eva knows how to do his laundry. He had to learn or wear dirty clothes.
I am trying to raise my boys to not be that helpless man standing the the kitchen with his arms hanging by his sides like there is a great weight attached to them. Similar to the look I get when I'm trying to fill the windshield washer fluid. Is that container for windshield washer fluid or transmission oil?
They know precisely where everything is and they know exactly what and how to do things but they have a plan devised by the first cave man whose wife handed him a "honey do " list....Here is the plan...act stupid and really mess up the job..then you won't be asked to do it again. Works every time. And yes....this is a sexist remark. Most men won't be able to get past the fist three letters so no fear at being caught. lol have a great day
Folding laundry?? Yeah, that's going too far.
Sounds suspicious to me. Why is he listening?
Esther
I'm lucky to have a husband who can do just about anything and do it well. In fact, sometimes better than I do it.
Erk. I could be declared redundant at any time.
Sorry, what was that? I was distracted by a thing. She must have started the conversation by saying "boobs" so he'd pay attention. Right?
This is funny! It's also making me think of, and appreciate again, those mature, helpful, compassionate, fellows who I've come to know.
:-)
I take no offense. But you should know that we are quite capable of doing most of the things you ask of us. We choose not to. One of the reasons is that we know you will take care of whatever it is. The other main one is what you mentioned... "They’re precious at this stage, aren’t they?" when we forget ourselves and relent. Who else gets credit for doing once (and rarely) what you do all the time?
So he’s not so much listening as adapting, like the borg.
We were talking about this very thing last night for my mom's birthday dinner! Her hubby admitted flat out that most of the time he just lets her talk and doesn't pay attention, because, "Honey, you just talk so MUCH."
:-) I am a huge fan of men, and I hope everyone knows this is just silliness. My son knows how to cook, to sew his own buttons, has done his own laundry since 6th grade. :-) But there are some men who just aren't interested. Like I say, I've seen Jon change the brakes on a car in the pouring rain, install tile, fix plumbing, do electrical wiring, and shovel three feet of snow off his roof.
He just can't/won't make a sandwich. :-)
When my stepson was about 7 or 8, he helped load the dishwasher one night, and I thanked him, and said, "Hey - nice job, kid; you're almost ready to do your own laundry." The next morning as his mom left for work, his great-aunt came to wait for the bus with him, and he told her, "Aunt Lenore, I have to start doing my own laundry. Before we go, will you show me how to work the washer and dryer?" He's 25 now, and has done his own laundry ever since. Some girl had damn well better come and thank me one of these days. :)
I've led H into such behaviour a time or two. The trick is to randomly sprinkle the words "stripper pole" and "open bar" into whatever you're saying.
:-) You guys are killing me.
I'm a thinkin'. I would forget about him paying attention. The next comet sighting might happen sooner and be more predictable. It is just something to tell the grandchildren!
This must be the first documented case of a man actually listening....somebody call the Guinness Book people.
OMG!! Tell her I said CONGRATS! Getting a man to actually listen to you... that's seriously amazing :-D Mine never does.
":-) I am a huge fan of men, and I hope everyone knows this is just silliness."
Yes, I totally understand that this is just silliness, so no worries.
And also happen to think this post is BRILLIANTLY hysterical!
That is hilarious. You sure know how to capture the moment. I love reading through your conversations quickly to get a feel for how magical they must be at the time. I envy your ability to spot the exact moment to highlight.
“It’s like when the baby rolls from his stomach to his back for the first time"
My God, man. Are you somehow spying on me? Has the wife been in contact with you? Reading this is like reading a chapter on my own life. I *swear* I pay attention. I just can't retain details after 20 seconds.
Jon closely resembles my husband. If he has to make his own lunch or breakfast he opens the fridge and sighs, then opens the cupboards and sighs. It is just too much for him.
The only thing my husband knew how to do is make his own coffee. Which he did about 3 dozen times a day. I didn't dare let him make MY coffee. I preferred something drinkable and hot.
I come here to be entertained. You never disappoint. :)
I enjoy your phone convos with friends the most, I think.
Hilarious - and oh, so true.
It's not so much that he cant make a sandwich..it's more that he wont..or more likely that he knows if he doesn't Mary will...and don't other peoples sandwiches always taste better anyway?
This is terrifically clever.
That's such gift Pearl - to make us laugh at that behaviour instead of tearing out hair out:)
It is so nice to already have been recognized as feral and un-trainable.
Thanks for the chuckle!
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