Health-wise, I am all kinds of wrong. My right eye is swollen shut -- I look a bit like I should be in a boxing movie. Enjoy a re-post, please.
Like my friend Steve, who punishes any distinguishable misconduct on my part by popping in “Apocalypse Now” and sitting on me until I concede whatever point it is he’s making, T has also taken it upon himself to inflict small tortures.
His latest foray into poking me with an imaginary stick?
He stares at the top of my head. He does it just to freak me out, and it works every time.
I look over at him, and his eyes have landed somewhere just right of the part in my hair.
“What are you –“ and I’ll reach up, pat the top of my head. I have thick, coarse hair; and it’s not unusual for me to find things in it: bugs, leaf bits, that sort of thing.
What? No, actually I’m not kidding. If I had a dollar for every time someone said, “Hold on a minute” and then proceeded to pull something out of my hair, I’d be able to afford that collection of cool hats to keep stuff out of my hair.
It took me a while to catch on to T’s game.
“What? What are you doing?” And I’ll put my hands on my head, feel around for gophers or rubber bands or something.
Nothing.
“Why do you do that? Why do you stare at the top of my head?”
T laughs at me. “Because it completes distracts you; and it’s funny to watch you become unhinged, you who are normally so fully hinged.”
It’s true. I am normally fully hinged.
And yet I fall for it every time. Whether it is in a bar full of people or a party at a friend’s house? No matter. I look over, he’s staring at a point somewhere on the top of my head, I reach up, frowning slightly, to feel around for what he is looking at…
And he laughs and winks at me.
Dammit.
He got me again.
I am hoping you are on the mend soon, as I am a bit worried about you, but I was wondering...wait, what is that? no, not there....there....
ReplyDeletejust teasing. :)
luv ya!
Sarah
I ... I think ... there might be something in your eye.
ReplyDeleteFeel better soon!!!
I would say you can retaliate by looking at his crotch with a raised eyebrow, as if measuring and finding it inadequate, but no matter HOW we look at a man's pants, they enjoy the attention.
ReplyDeleteAnd cry me a river about the horrors of having thick hair. Those with thin, lifeless hair have no sympathy.(ha)
I have to side with Sioux. I feel for ya but I just cant reach ya. Being bald nothing lays on top that a wisp of a breeze dont blow off.
ReplyDeleteMore importantly I hope you feel better soon. And stay outa the ring.
At least with your eye all swollen shut, you won't be able to notice Steve watching your hair today. Feel better soon, Pearl!
ReplyDeleteYou need to get him back by staring at his fly..... hmmm never mind.
ReplyDeleteHow's the eye?
This is a great tip Pearl, thanks, I can't wait to start annoying people with it!
ReplyDeleteYikes, hope the eye heals fast. And I'm with Hilary. Maybe start staring at his fly.
ReplyDeleteI hope the swollen eye doesn't mean you're developing a cat allergy! Feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteSwollen eye? Someone didn't take an allergy pill last night. At least that is what my face looks like when I don't.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better.
Distract opponent by staring at hair. Got it.
ReplyDeleteHope that eye gets better soon
ReplyDeleteGreat repost. I love stories like this. Hope your eye gets better soon.
ReplyDeleteHe could stare other places and really freak you out. I think the top of your head is fairly kind. If I were you I'd start putting things in my hair on purpose to freak HIM out.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Casey
I LOVE little things like that between people!
ReplyDeleteJ
Get better, Pearl! What's wrong with yer eyeball?
ReplyDeleteSending you a hug, and sending up a prayer for you, while I'm at it.
:-)
ReplyDeleteI think it's a straight up eye infection and will see a doc tomorrow. I look a bit like a dragon -- this one eye looks pretty wicked.
I would very much like to take a fork to it but suspect that would only make things worse...
This sounds a lot like a game a couple of my first graders play on me. Except stuff in my hair, they point at me and tell me how stupid I am.
ReplyDeleteIf the fork won't work, how about a hot pointed stick? No?
ReplyDeleteAnything wrong with the eyes has my sympathy. Hope you get a solution asap.
Goodness, you do have it bad! I hope you get to feeling better and BTW; nice friend you have there...
ReplyDelete:)
Yes! Great trick. I also do the "tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention" while they're telling a story to someone else, then when they finally turn around and yell "WHAT!" I look injured and mumble "Nothing... geesh..."
ReplyDeleteGreat fun.
Love your writing, Pearl.
Caleb
omg i would totally have to get hime back if he were my friend.
ReplyDeletepink eye.
ReplyDeletegreat post ;)
Have you looked around in your hair for that missing glove? And while you're at it, could you see if my keys are in there? They're not in the freezer with my cell phone this time so I'm just at my wits end as to where they could be.
ReplyDeleteLOVE! I really enjoy these stories! Thank you for writing, thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteKelley
As much as I enjoyed this post, I just kept thinking of you and your eye. Arrrrgggghhhhh! I hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteDid you get into the Oscar winning "The Fighter" a little too much? Getting unhinged once in awhile is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to have the new tip! I can't wait to start annoying people, especially my husband, by staring at the top of their heads.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your eye and hope it heals quickly. I received your book and read it all at one sitting! I loved it.
ReplyDeleteSo what you're saying is that you DON'T have anything in your hair, right? Like, no kooties or anything, right?...not that I'm against them, but I hear they're contagious, especially if you kiss boys :)
ReplyDeleteHey, get that eye checked out will ya!
Chamomile tea bags, steeped, cooled, applied to the eye. Will feel SOOOO much better for a bit.
ReplyDeleteHilarious :) What a psychological psyche out. As if there's another kind.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend back in NYC who once stood in the street and looked at the top of a high building with his mouth wide open. In seconds there were a whole crowd of people standing around nervously looking up. Then he just walked away like nothing happened. You sort of had to be there. But it was funny.
Oh my head is now SO itchy....I just came here from the Gravel Farm and youre both on the same road just now..excuse me while I go wash my hair..
ReplyDeleteDo it back to him. And don't laugh!
ReplyDeleteThat is GENIUS, but I can't keep a straight face to pull it off. Which is a shame, becuase I really need some sort of revenge on Chuckweasel -- he knows I am very gullible, so he thinks it's funny to tell me outlandish lies and then laugh like a hyena when I repeat them as truth.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Hillary. Stare at his fly to get him back. Maybe giggle a little.
ReplyDeleteI hope your eye opens back up soon!
Ouch! Hope it's healing well so that you're fully hinged once more.
ReplyDelete