I cleaned a house not long ago with Mary, a delightful woman who makes me laugh until I fall off furniture. Generally speaking, I’m against falling off furniture; but if it’s because of uncontrollable laughter, what can you do but go limp and succumb to gravity?
Frankly, we think we’re hilarious.
We scrubbed this house silly: baseboards, the doors, the floors, and the piece de resistance, windows covered with Venetian blinds. Nasty things, Venetian blinds. Normally, I wouldn’t recommend washing the truly dirty ones when you can replace them cheaply, but on the one hand, it’s a waste of money to replace what’s not broken, on the other hand, they were actually quite nice wooden blinds, and on yet another, perhaps abnormal hand, we were paid to do it.
And somewhere in all of this, between the parquet floors and the enormous picture windows, Mary makes the claim that she can idenfity, by taste, the blue M&Ms.
She can identify the blue M&Ms by taste. Why I oughta…
I’ve been trying to work that little revelation of hers into a post ever since.
I collect these little remarks. I have wrinkled, stained piles of these little tidbits: the comments I’ve had directed at me, made myself, overheard, written into and onto books, receipts, take-out menus. Every day, I am confronted with situations, features, sentences that make me pull out the book I keep in my purse and scribble furiously, often with a smile on my face. What can I do but write these things down? Surely the day will come when something like “I Don’t Shiv A Git: I’m Not Really Swearing, Mom” becomes the topic of a thought-provoking post.
I received an e-mail the other day asking me how many posts I had written. After I told him that I was coming up on my 800th, he then wondered if I wasn’t about to run out of ideas.
Now why would I run out of things to say?
The truth is that there are ideas everywhere. They’re not my ideas – they simply present themselves, rarely politely, rarely one at a time – and if you don’t write them down immediately, they’re gone.
Only to be replaced by other ideas.
Which reminds me: my parents seem to be stocking up on water chestnuts. What do they know that I don't?
Oh, and I need to buy some M&Ms. I think Mary’s bluffing.
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28 comments:
I'm the same way. Being a blogger has fueled my people watching skills. I'm more alert to things, I notice details that I would have passed up before, because really, who wants to hear about the spider web I saw that looked the Elvis's face? My blog readers do! My friends and family? Notsomuch! - G
I think she is bluffing too!
I made bacon wrapped water chestnuts as an appi to take to a party- they were all eaten.
I don't shiv a git!
Georgina, this is exactly the type of thing I'm talking about. :-)
Ren, that Mary's quite the little bluffer, too.
And bacon-wrapped water chestnuts? Yum. Maybe that's it, huh? Maybe my parents are throwing parties and not inviting me!
Maybe your parents think we're going to be invaded by china...and they're just thinking ahead about a national cuisine change?...Hmmm.
I am a red headed step child, but I am not bluffing!:) You add enough FD&C Blue #1 Aluminum Lake color to anything (and I personally think they add too much) and you have a problem. It seems to me they make exterior marine paint in the same color! Hmmmphhh.
Yeah, I want to hear the results of your Mary-blindfolded trying different M&Ms test. Methinks she's bluffing, too.
I would definitely make her do a blind taste test after that claim.
hahahaha
the M&M story just made my morning
The blue ones DO taste different. Honest! Would I lie to you?
Coff of cupee time now after wong time at lork.
"I don't shiv a git" and the "fudiculous" from Unknow Mami has me started on a new vocabulary. Oh wait, is that how slang starts?
Hey off the subject (what subject I don't know) - but have you ever wanted a bladge for your blog? You see I'm trying to start some slang myself.
Mary's not alone. I can do that, too. It's discerning between the rest that's difficult. Or maybe my taste buds suffer from a kind of color blindness. There's a touch of bitter to the blue dye, I suppose.
My sister always used "Chuck you, Farley" when she was pretending to be lady-like.
Finally!! It's about time I get some validation. I love you Symdaddy and Douglas! I feel so much better knowing that our pallets are simply in better shape than everyone elses.
I believe Mary. The blue M&Ms are johnny come lately mutants. They must have some subtle flavor.
You're so right about inspiration. It's best caught quickly. Although I did get some funny looks today at the ob-gyn office as I sat and scribbled in my little notebook.
Sweet Cheeks, knowing my dad, he’s going to fatten ‘em up with delicacies and then sell them something they can’t live without.
Irisheyes – if that IS your real name! – “FD&C Blue #1 Aluminum Lake”?! ha ha!
Pat, Mary’s getting blindfolded the next time I see her, I swear. Then I’m going to make HER laugh until she falls over and THEN I’m going to write about it…
Ellen, plans are underway!
Inside the Mind of…, well thank you! We try to keep it light around here.
Symdaddy, that was very funny. Wish I’d said it!
Lisleman, a bladge sound loverly. Will it cost me or anything, or can I donate some of my precious time? :-)
Douglas, there will be a blind taste test for Mary, the results of which will be discussed by the bored and the silly for absolute HOURS…
Irisheyes, shuttie! :-)
Lisa, I’ve often suspected Mary of having the inside track on the new stuff, especially if it has anything to do with mutants (Mary has a soft spot for mutants).
And scribbling in the ob/gyn? Now THAT’s funny stuff!
Well this post had me rolling and thinking back to my working days when I had a friend come and clean with me and for me. We used to laugh our way through the grime! YUP! Did you get rid of the notes you wrote and forgot about? Or?
Is this the Mary that took the soda to the Nursing home and that old man got it and drank it all ?
I like Mary :)
KleinsteMotte, the notes are stuffed into a book (held together with duct tape!) that I carry with me. I love my notes -- and I love when my friends say things and then say to me "write that down! I'll bet you can get a post out of that!"
A Broad, very good! Yes, this is that Mary. :-) She's invited me to go to the nursing home with her some weekend. She thinks I should come for 2:15 snack time. She knows I won't drink the milk, but she also knows how much I love Fig Newtons! :-D
oh, i don't know pearl, about mary' bluffing on those m&m's - cause i personally can tell the difference in the colors by taste! :)
Go Pearl, please go with her to visit ...
I must go now, I have to do a blindfold taste test with the husband with a bag of M&M peanuts... they can be peanut, can't they?
Oh that Mary! Definitely blind fold her, take all kinds of compromising pictures, have her do the taste test and come back and tell us all about it!
Hmmm, I really need to get me a notebook. I keep relying on my memory; which somehow keeps getting erased every 10 minutes....
Wait...I need to now try to M&M test. I'm so confused. Don't they all taste the same?
GYPSYWOMAN, I am willing to concede the idea that the blue dye can be tasted. :-) I do enjoy messing with Mary's head though. :-)
A Broad, I will! I've got to see this place. Mary says it's very homey and a beautiful combination of sad, hopeful, and humorous. And the M&Ms? I think the peanut ones will work.
Gigi, You MUST get a notebook. You wouldn't believe all the crazy stuff you forget during the day -- and how much fun it is to read the things you wrote down just a few days ago...
Herding Cats, apparently not. Mary says she can tell the difference between a red one and a blue one, even blindfolded.
this calls for a blindfolded taste test!!! Play it with Skittles, too- I can always figure out the yellow ones but that's it- the rest taste the same.
"I Don’t Shiv A Git"?
Minnesota sounds more and more like Utah sometimes.
Living Shallow, Living Well, we'll be doing the blindfold taste test! I can't decide if we are desperate for things to do over here or if we are cutting edge fun. :-)
Cheeseboy, does it?! :-)
Personally, I think the Blindfold has something to do with it ...
I prefer to stock up on m&m's than waterchestnuts. Just bizarre.
Useless bit of trivia - if there are 7 colors of M&M's in a bowl, you'll eat more of them than if there are 4 colors, even though they all "supposedly" taste the same.
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