I'm Having Dinner with Johnny Depp

So many things changed once I became internationally famous.

Yoga, for instance. Sure, it’s still a big sweaty mess. Sure, it’s still packed cheek to jowl in that yoga studio, an exercise in concentration and, sometimes, forgiveness.

It’s not just that. It’s the way the other yoginis look at me now.

“My mat was next to her a couple times, before she made it big,” I’d hear someone whisper. “You know she can’t do crow pose.”

That’s a lie. I could do it if I wanted to. I just don’t want to.

But this isn’t about whether or not I can do crow pose. This is about how much easier and fulfilling my life turned out to be once I became famous.

It wasn’t always this way. I was once like you, struggling, yearning. But all that changed once my genius was discovered.

And it’s not just the fame, but the money! The silk socks, the hairdresser who now lives in the pantry! The chauffeur-driven limo to the bus stop and the fur-lined bus pass! Who knew it would be so satisfying?

But how, you ask, did this happen? And more importantly, how can I get a piece of this action for myself?

It’s easy! Are you ready? Because it's crazy easy! Lean closer, because this is going to change your life…


Huh?! Wha –? Who –? Oh, geez; I’m sorry. I must’ve drifted off!

Sorry about that.