Wait! Turns Out I AM Bilingual!

My husband thinks he can speak without having to move his jaw.

I don't know why this is, why he insists on making me say "what?" all day long, but he does. I say "what?" all day long.

"Marmzert," he said.

"What?"

"Marmzert," he said.

Sure. I'll play along. "How come?" I said.

"Ianno," he said. "Musta bin because of all the liftin."

Ah. I can see this now. His arms hurt. He's not sure why, but he thinks it's because of all the liftin'.

There are days when I think everyone around me is talking like this. I have recently started to question my hearing.

"Mungree," T said the other day.

"What?" I said.

"Mungree," he said. "Skweet."

Can't argue with that. Let's go! I could eat a little something myself.

I've noticed this affliction in men almost exclusively. I don't know what that says: perhaps that men are more apt to clench when talking, or perhaps that women do much more talking than men and are therefore more apt to be good at it.

Steve called. "What're you doing?" he asked.

"Writing," I said. "What're you doing?"

"Buildin' a Stratocaster copy. Gonna put African Babinga inlays on the neck."

OK. So sometimes there are different reasons for it. But all I know is that these guys are making me say "what?" a lot.