The Untapped Potential of Dog Poop

I sat on the porch last Saturday and watched as a man with a dog on a leash stood casually by as his animal relieved himself in the park.

Yes. It’s a pathetic way to spend one’s time.

It’s a law in Minneapolis that you have to clean up after your dog in a park, but I’m sure it will come as no surprise to anyone when I tell you that there are plenty of people who don’t bother.

Have you seen what a Rottweiler leaves behind? Incredible.

I hate it when they don’t pick up their dog’s “droppings”. I live directly across the street from the park; and if I’ve witnessed it, I feel obliged to lean out of the second floor porch window (where I’ll be perched until Spring is over and Summer kicks me into the backyard) and yell, “Excuse me! You’re supposed to pick up after your dog!”

You can imagine the look I get when I point this out.

Well, I either get the “the Look” or, in the words of one miscreant, something along the lines of “Make me”.

His dog poop? Not his problem. He’s just going to leave it there, because, you know, it’s biodegradable.

Of course, even if the dog walker were to stop and say, “Wow! You’re right! So sorry!” they most likely don’t have a plastic bag with them.

Hmmm. Food for thought. Poop Bag Stand in the park.

Times is tough, people. We need to think about the smaller, untapped markets, preferably markets without overhead or regulation.

I’m thinking of looking into picking up dog poop in people’s backyards. Do I have to mention that that would be for money? People do that, you know. I could advertise in The Northeaster in the “For Hire” section.

I’m gonna need a title. You know – for the business cards.

What do you think of Professional Feces Remover?

Or does that sound like I'm restricted to removing only professional feces? Because I don’t want to discriminate myself out of a couple bucks – professional feces, amateur feces, they all pick up the same.

How about “Backyard De-Pooping”? Huh? Does exactly what it says on the tin.

Pearl, Backyard De-Pooper
Taking Your Shit For A Fixed Price

I wonder what a good backyard de-pooping goes for these days?

Anyone?