Hey! That’s Just Like How I’d Describe It!

I picked up T from work the other evening. His regular occupation, hardwood floor installer/refinisher and causer of general mayhem, slows to a painful crawl during the winter months; so he’s recently taken up waiting tables at a rather up-market establishment in order to supplement his income.

While he busied himself with the detritus that is the ending of any waiter’s shift, I perused the menu.

Menus! They combine three of my favorite things:
Food
Colorful descriptions
Colorful descriptions of food.

Hmmm. What shall we have tonight?

Might I recommend the Black Angus lean ground chuck infused with mesquite, covered in an aged cheddar and gently joined with applewood-smoked bacon? Served on a sesame-encrusted bun once held by Scarlett Johannson and lovingly toasted by an attractive South American immigrant.

Woo-hoo! I’ll have the bacon cheeseburger.

But why are we saving such tasty and superfluous prose for menus only? I say, let’s do the same with job descriptions.

Wanted: Administrative Assistant.

Eligible candidates will find themselves surrounded by attractive people, engaged intellectually, and valued as both employees and as human beings. Your day will start with the tender light of the new day breaking. Incoming calls, cold-filtered to impart a mint-y taste, will be handled through your desk. The qualified applicant will find the filing of documents to be of a heavy, almost fudge-y consistency. Spreadsheet skills are a must for the monthly running of reports that we’re sure you’ll find both tasty and nutritious.

Lightly scented and “green” applications available.