Yur Passwerd? Yur Doin It Rong.

I thought the woman would never leave. And now that she’s out…

Don’t get me wrong. The woman is, shall we say, a fully adequate housekeeper. My meals are on time and acceptable to me. And for that, I shall be eternally grateful.

But she is not nearly as observant as she believes she is.

I’ve been here for three years now. My real name is unpronounceable to most, but she did get one thing right: I am of the Minneapolis Biteys, and the name Liza Bean works for me.

It’s the perfect cover, really.

It’s true, of course, that I’m a cat. All the best creatures are. Well, other than Dolly G. Squeakers. Dolly G./Dahli Gee/The Thorn in My Side is a ridiculous animal, a simple-minded puss whose idea of wit is to take unwarranted swipes at me whilst I sleep.

Ha ha. When the revolution comes, she will be my servant.

In the meantime, I endure Dolly’s taunts and vapid mewing.

But the fact that I’m tiny for my age, that I’m delightfully and symmetrically striped, that I curl up into an adorable ball and sleep on laps?

Like I said: the perfect cover.

She’ll be back soon, and while I realize she will see this post and know I was here, it will be worth the confusion on her face.

Quickly. Back to the original intent of this communiqué.

Francois et Marcel: Mes amis, mon homme vous contractera dans les prochains jours, d’ac?
Chiara: The size and quality of the gems received is incredible. Grazie.
Radu: Call me on the secured line this evening. The financing is arranged.

There’s the sound of the key in the lock downstairs. I must leave now. I still have things to hide in her shoes before she returns. I know it’s childish of me, but I can’t resist. The fish I left in her jacket pocket this past summer and the look on her face when she found it is still a cherished memory of mine.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh. This is between us, yes?

Oh, and the password, Pearl? Your mother’s maiden name?

Child’s play.