If You’re Like Me…

If you’re like me, and we have no reason to believe that you’re not, you have, now and then, the urge to roll your spouse and/or significant other into a large rug and leave him/her – perfectly alive, of course!, and with a cell phone in awkward but reachable range – at the edge of town.

Not always, you understand. But sometimes?

Oh, yes.

These “others” in our lives – they are not bad people. But they are annoying, aren’t they, with their continual questions?

Where are you going?

Where’s my wallet?

How come my food smells of bitter almonds?

Damn his advanced olfactory senses!

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy men. My son is a man, and look at how much I enjoy him! Why, some of my best friends have been men!

But a spouse…

The funny thing about being married is that people don’t really want to hear about what you think about it. Sure, they may ask you, “So how’s married life treatin’ ya?” but the moment you start talking about your plans to move his bedroom to the garage, they don’t want to hear about it.

Well what’d ya ask me for?!

But that’s where friends come in, isn’t it?

A friend hears you out, shows you the folly of, say, wrapping your husband up in a carpet and disposing his snoring self on the edge of town. After all, it’s impractical. Think about it! In the middle of the night, how do you get him down the steps and how in the world are you going to get him into the car like that? There’s the yelling, the neighbors to consider, not to mention that we’ve got jobs to go to in the morning! No, no, no. This will never do.

Sometimes that’s all it takes – knowing you can talk it out, get it out of your system and move on.

And a beer wouldn’t hurt, either.

And if you’re like me, that’s so much more practical than, say, trying to get a rolled up carpet with a surprise(d) filling down the stairs.