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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Words Mean So Much

As a lover of words of all sizes, levels of subtlety, and countries of origin, I’d like to speak to you on behalf of the Citizens for Creativity in Cursing.

I’m a fan of cursing. Not just your standard, four-letter scatological words, crude words spoken without thought, words used by the drunken, the lazy, or the uninspired.

Why limit yourself to four letters?

There is, arguably, a time for drunken, lazy, uninspired and clich├ęd curse words. I personally find myself drunk, lazy and uninspired at least once a month and have relied on them at various points in my life.

When I pumped gas for a living? Four-letter-word dependent.

When I washed dishes for a living? Again, four-letter-word dependent.

But when I’m not drunk, lazy, uninspired or working for minimum wage, I am thinking about words and the words I use. And monkeys.

Words and monkeys.

So I’ve been thinking about curses and curse words.

I mean, what kind of non-crack-smoking, rent-paying, rectum-clenching mouth-breather would I be if I weren’t concerned about the things that go into my daily life the way words do?

Take the guy on the bus on the way home Thursday. This baggy-pants-wearin’, ghetto-fashioned bozo slouched so as to take up both seats. On a packed bus, this Snoop-Dogg-emulating Dollar-Menu-splurging pustule lay insolently across a seat meant to accommodate two.

Now would a four-letter word do him justice? I think not.

We owe it to ourselves to develop a more descriptive way of communication.

Can the CCC count on your support? They demand no less of us.

p.s. I sat with him, He of the Insolent Manner. Oh, yes, I did. “Move over there, sweetie, would ya?” He was shocked into compliance. Mwa ha ha ha haaaaaa.


ICKY said...


derfina said...

What a booger munching knuckle dragging troglodytic troll! I'm with ya on this one!

Christine Gram said...

I'd guess he just needed someone like you to come into his life and straighten him up.

Kavi said...

Phew ! :)

How noble ! And how perfunctorily respectful.

Sometimes i wonder if the English usage should become aligned to math.

When lazy bums like me can just walk away with 'Ten times a four letter word !'

swenglishexpat said...

If you have got the guts, like you seem to have, a smile and a kind word normally does the trick. You think he is a sh*t, but you pronounce it sweetie. Perfect!

Unknown said...

Yes, It time for all of us to remind the inept fornicating, rectum sucking sons of jackels to unpack their adjectives in lieu of their one size fits all ecoli laden diarrhea drivel.

Courteously, of course.

Pretty Please.

Peace - Rene

Pearl said...

Hi, Icky.
I love "bozo". :-)

Hey, Derfina.

Hey, Strange.
It's a service I provide for free.

Hi, Kavi.
Aligning English with math is an excellent idea and one I'm going to think about...

Hi, Swenglish.
I like how you think!

Hi, Rene.
Well done!!


♥ Braja said...

I love the way you dealt with him. Shocked into compliance indeed: more like shocked at your expectation that he would do as you said...well done.

Eric S. said...

I love it "move over sweetie would ya" LOL. You go. I can think of quite a few expletives I would have used, all very colorful combination's.

ATenorio said...

That is awesome, you are my new hero.

Pearl said...

Braja, Eric, and Pearl,
If only I'd had my camera ready. :-) It would've been so cool to have added that to the blog.

Brother Tobias said...

Good for you! My family sometimes create acrostics which have meanings only known to us (and innocuous ones in case we are asked). very satisfying!

Lynda said...

The only thing I like about getting older... is that I am no longer fearful of giving some dickwad an earful when they annoy me on public transport... the last 'purple-haired, lip-ringed, ripped stockinged' teenager that tried to take up 2 seats on a busy tram in Germany last summer... believe me, when I say, she met her match. "Babe, don't start giving me attitude... I eat little shits like you for breakfast!"

♥ Braja said...

I remember when i was living in London my flatmate gave me one of her zappers to carry on the train. There was so much trouble on the trains at night, and this thing would send them into a parallel universe (totally illegal but hey...) I watched skinheads and all kinds of lowlife crawl onto that train, and I was silently begging them to start some trouble so I could zap them. None ever did. I'm convinced it's your own attitude and energy that repels them. So I have that attitude with me permanently now. It's not so good when the nice people approach, but hey, I can't help that, y'know?

La Belette Rouge said...

Why settle for four when you can have so much more? No, with a vocabulary like yours four letter words would be lazy. I, on the other hand, when I get really mad my reptilian brain takes over and it seems only able to spew one syllable words: no, bad, wrong, and then it sometimes moves onto the scatological. It is with time and distance that I can expand my vocabulary to real and meaningful curses that involve hyphens, and subtleties of description.

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Like Lynda, I find that getting older helps - you get to the point where you don't actually care what other people think of you. I also commuted for years - regular commuters tend to put bags and stuff on the seats next to them to try and get more room and scowl at anyone who looks their way. But I never needed to be rude - all I had to do was just walk up and say 'excuse me please' they always just shifted it! It works with loud stroppy schoolkids too.