The Boy Can’t Answer You Now, He’s AFK

There’s more than just a generational gap out there, people. There are language gaps as well.

My son, the boy-man living with me as he finishes his final year of college, has been playing an online game called Final Fantasy XI for three years now.

Do you know about this game? “The world of Vana’diel stands on the brink of war. Three powerful nations rally their troops against the beastmen in a desperate bid for survival. Now, brave adventurers like you are Vana’dial’s only hope!”

After three years, as you can imagine, The Boy’s quite powerful.

He has three "75 jobs", 75 being the highest job level you can attain. He is a thief, a red mage and a black mage.

Thief. The following is the actual description he gave me for “thief”: Can plant hate, is mad evasive, can inflict insane spiky damage, treasure hunter.

What you really need to know here is The Boy can sneak up behind a mob (i.e., a monster or anything that’s not an actual human behind a keyboard) and ruin it/kill it/make it his bitch.

He’s also two different kinds of mage: red and black.

Wait – what? What do you mean you don’t know what a mage is? My dear, how do you live?

A mage casts magic.

A red mage can enhance/help other players, while a black mage is strictly damage-dealing. That’s right: The Boy’s a DDer – a damage-dealer.

He’s also a 100 out of a 100 on his fishing skills. In the beginning, he could spend hours catching the online version of a rubber boot. Now that he’ a 100, however, he catches what he terms high-level fish. Fish worth something. Fish others crave.

But what does he do with the fish? I’m glad you asked that.

He sends the fish to a “mule”. (You can only hold so much, after all, and so he has a mule.) The mule turns the fish into food, consumables, which in turn sell at the auction house, for which he gets “gil”.

You got all that?

Because of the game, The Boy says funny things.

And when I say “funny”, I mean “abbreviated”.

Note to the Boy from His Mother: Please put away clean dishes before you leave for work!
Note from the Boy to His Mother: Nowai.

That’s funny-boy-speak for “no way”.

Note to The Boy from His Mother: Making dinner for a change! Be home by 7:00!
Note from The Boy to His Mother: Kthxbai.

That’s more funny-boy-speak for “OK, thanks, good-bye”.

Every generation has a different way of expressing themselves.

Mine was just way groovier. You dig what I’m sayin’?

Kthxbai.