I Think You Forgot Your Pants

There’s a disturbing new trend in the nation, a blight on the strip mall, if there can be such a thing. You’ve seen it. I know you’ve seen it. You may have even done it. I’m not here to judge you. It disturbs me, but I am no arbiter of fashion, no fashionista. I’m sitting on the porch wearing a Minnesota Twins shirt over a souvenir tee from vacation two years ago at Waterton-Glacier National Park, for cryin’ out loud. What do I know?

But this? (Roll down to the pic.)

I think I was in a supermarket when I first noticed it maybe ten years ago. Then it was at a retail store. Then it was on the streets. Now it’s fairly common. It’s become accepted. It’s become “normal”.

I’m talking about sweatpants. And sweatshirts. And slippers. In public.

Am I the only one who finds this odd? When did it become too much work to get dressed?

There was a woman pushing a baby in a stroller around my neighborhood a couple weeks ago. She was probably in her mid-30s. It was in the middle of the day – nice day. She was on her cell phone. She did not appear to be sick. And she was wearing a large pair of worn-out flannel pajama bottoms; a very large shirt, perhaps an XXL on a M frame; and pink, fuzzy bedroom slippers. Her hair was up in a frazzled hair-ball of a bun at the top of her head.

She was, as Niecy Nash would say, “a hot mess”.

Now, she wasn’t in her house. She wasn’t in her yard. She had walked at least a block or two down city streets to walk around the park.

Please don’t misunderstand me when I say I have great sympathy for anyone with a baby, a small child, teenager, boyfriend, husband, lover, or friend. Lord knows they take up a lot of your time. We all have our crosses to bear! But would it kill you to pull on a pair of pants? Would it take any longer? Could you leave your slippers at home? Could you please – for the children! – put on a bra?

We need to get dressed, people. For our families. For our civic pride. For our country.



This political thought was brought to you free of charge by the Maybe We Should Put Some Pants on Committee.

I am Pearl, and I approve this message.