Dear Occupant...

I don’t know about you, but sometimes it seems that all I get in the mail is bills, requests for donations, advertisements, perhaps the odd thank-you card.

Dear Aunt Pearl,
Thank you so much for the $50 for graduation. I'm saving to fill my tank.
Love,
Grateful Nephew

When I was young, I had a number of pen pals. Remember the pen pal? A stranger you would write to for no good reason, with little hope of ever actually meeting, just for fun?

Of course, we’re all too busy for that now. I mean, who writes to random strangers in the hopes of making connections? That would just be silly…

Ahem.

There seems to be a dearth of letters nowadays, though; and let me tell you, I won’t stand for it!

And so, my sister will be the recipient of a card, probably receiving it tomorrow.

It started in 1992. We worked in the same office, a dreadful little place run by two brothers, one of whom was drunk on his own power and the other who was perpetually flatulent. It was a smelly, unpleasant place.

One day I went to my mail slot, and there it was: A fifty-cents-off coupon for Beano.

For those of you who don’t know what “Beano” is, it’s a pill (or something) that you can take prior to eating gas-producing foods, so that you didn’t end up like the gas-producing co-owner.

The coupon for Beano went between us for several years: in the mail slot, stuffed into coat pockets, slid under the car’s windshield wipers, attached to a pillow.

I wonder whatever happened to that coupon?

My sister and I don’t work together anymore, nor do we live together, as we did in those years, but it’s time she saved some money, don’t you think?

I’ve sent her a coupon in the mail with this little quasi-limerick attached to it:

There once was a girl named Karen
Who, when laughing, wet the pants she was wearin’.
But a pair of Depend
Put that all to an end
And you can hardly tell she’s wearing them, they’re so smooth and comfy.

Caution: Adult diapers. Not to be worn on your head.

None of that is true, of course, but it’s fun to pretend.

Let’s see what she comes back with, shall we?