Human: Zero. Kitty: One.

Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) is a tenacious little beast.

During the week, the kitties are as well-behaved as you can expect from the semi-domesticated brutes, primarily because, as with most semi-domesticated people, my husband and I have some pretty reliable routines. We rise at the same time, leave at the same time, cook, clean, eat, and retire at pretty much the same times every day. And the kitties know this.

But the weekends have a different feel, and they know this, too. And here’s where the tenacious little beast – Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) – comes in. Or, in her fluffy little world, goes out.

It didn’t take her long, clever kitty that she is, to catch on to the rhythms of our full-time working world. And she’s been willing to play along, especially since it often involves catnip and Whiskas (a crunchy kitty treat, for those of you without cats of your own). But come Saturday and Sunday, Liza has had enough of our foolishness; and the moment we wake up, she parks her fuzzy little butt in front of the back door and demands to go outside.

And “demands” is the kind word for it. If there were a transcript available in English of what the kitty had to say, it would look something like this:

“Hey! I’m ready! I know it’s the weekend! Don’t ignore me – hey! Hey! Open the door! I’m ready! Open the door! Open the door! Open the door!”

Ad nauseum.

She’s even gone so far as balancing on the built-in cabinets next to the back door, reaching out with her thumb-less little paws. She pushes on the deadbolt but has yet to muster up the necessary torque to get it to move.

Eventually, however, we finish our coffee, and harness up the kitties (Dolly G. Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers, is happy wherever she is and can either go outdoors or lay on her back in the hallway, seal-like.) We take them to the backyard, where sometimes we have chores and sometimes we don’t. I suppose I could look at it as cat-enforced relaxation rather than manipulation by what other people refer to as a “pet”. Either way, Liza Bean has what she wants.

Liza Bean is a tenacious little beast.