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Thursday, August 4, 2016

I'll Bet a Pencil Would Fit Nicely...

Part of my descent into cranky world-weariness involves the young man about to walk by me.

He doesn’t know it – and probably wouldn’t care if he did, him bein’ a young’un and all – but for the next couple of minutes, I am holding him directly responsible for the battle I am engaged in, the battle wherein I consciously work on not frowning.

His pants, heavens above, his pants are buckled just below his butt.

Not a jaunty slip of the waist, not a ribald flash of crack, but a full-on, you-don’t-know-me-I-wear-my-pants-the-way-I-want, belt-cinched, thigh-hobbled, future-chiropractic-needing middle-finger-by-way-of-trousers to every single person passing him on the street – nay, every person in the world.

OK.  Maybe not every person in the world.

Whew. 

That descent happened so much faster than I expected it would.

Mr. These Are My Underwear passes, a half-smoked cigarette stuffed behind one ear, one hand holding a cell phone, the other holding up his pants.  The urge to trip him wells up in me as I feel a crooked smile spread across my face.

“Hey,” I say, “Your pants are falling down.”

He doesn’t hear me but instead continues his way down the street where he will no doubt meet up with others of a similar fashion ilk. 


Good luck to him.

21 comments:

joeh said...

You wear your pants below your ass and have to hold them with one hand so you don't trip when you walk, you wear your hat with the brim over your ear and the sun glaring in your eye, and you wonder why "The Man" won't give you a high paying job.

I used to wear my belt buckle on the side, my cuffs at high water level, white socks, pennies in my loafers, and a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the short sleeve of my white tee shirt and "The Man" didn't give me a good paying job either.

Still I'm pretty sure I looked cool!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
...round here, what gets my 'hot' up are those folks who insist on wearing shorts, sandals and sleeveless near-nothings jus' coz the calendar says its summer. This is West coast Scotland FOR CRYING OUT LOUD... 58'F, horizontal sea 'breeze', 'Scotch Mist' (drizzle so thick ye canny see the next hoose)... Hangy-doony breeks would almost seem decent compared to some of these idiots.

...do we feel better for our rant, Pearl? Maybe not. But it's good to share. YAM xx

Joanne Noragon said...

I just like to watch. Too old to pass judgement; I no longer influence my world.

Geo. said...

Enjoyable fashion critique! People progress at all different rates. Maybe he's still learning to dress himself --I am. Was the cigarette lit?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I really don't understand that fashion statement at ALL. And it peeves me, too. I want to trip people who buckle in below the crotch, then punch them. No other fashion faux pas makes me feel hostile, just that one.
You describe it so well.

jenny_o said...

Oh, how I WISH he had heard your comment! Unless it had ended badly. But if not? how I WISH ...

Elephant's Child said...

You reminded me of a natural redhead I saw dancing in the middle of the road with all of his pants (under and over) hobbling his ankles. I was in awe. I am completely certain I would face planted very early. And find my nasty self wishing that some of those with 'fashionable' droopy drawers do the same. Some days I am not nice.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

I had hoped that this fashion statement had gone away. It was big in the 90's so maybe this is just retro. I remember my daughter dating a boy who liked to show the world his tush. We called him Underwear Boy and the good news is that she did not marry him. I often wonder where he is today and did he ever buy a belt.

Gigi said...

This fashion "statement" makes me completely stabby. He deserved to have been tripped.

fishducky said...

Now that I'm in my 80's, I have trouble walking without falling down when my pants are at my waist!!

Chicken said...

I would think that not being able to move about freely and only having one hand to protect yourself would be dangerous, but maybe he's of the impression that he's so dangerous nobody would dare try him? I don't know. I don't get it. The sheer discomfort of hobbling through my day would keep me away from this fashion choice the same way it's keeping me away from high heels lately.

Catalyst said...

The trend that irritates me are the tattoos on both men and women all over their arms, legs, necks and who knows where else. I see ahead an era when people who are my age will all have faded and saggy tats. And no, nothing is misspelled there.

Silliyak said...

Catalyst, that reminds me that once I overheard a young female telling a friend she wanted a tattoo so people would know, when she got older, that she had been cool. I suggested that she tattoo "Wipe here" on the crack of her ass for when she was in a nursing home. Was I insensitive?

Sioux said...

When those guys cross the street, they often take extra time crossing the street because of the "dance" they have to do to keep their britches up.

And that aggravates me when I have to wait on them AND look at their whole underwear-covered rear end...

Cheryl said...

I've thought this "style" would completely go away if the fathers of these knuckleheads would wear their pants that way. Can't you just picture older guys, say over 60, dressing like the 20 year olds?

River said...

I detest that pants at half mast look and admit to laughing hysterically when I watched a pair of young men trying to run to catch a bus when dressed this way.
Thankfully, the style seems to be disappearing from Australian streets.

the walking man said...

It is a wonder, these kids who wear their pants below their ass if they even know what and where the look is appropriate? It is very popular in American prisons, where the fashion statement started, for them who are being turned out by their prison pimps. It means "available."

I am still up in the air as to whether I prefer these street hookers in tighty whitey's or multi-hued boxers. I have seen them trying to run from the police which was outstanding street theater, comedy at its finest.

sage said...

Great description, Pearl, and Walking Man's mention of watching them run from the police brought a smile to my face.

Douglas said...

One wonders... If, for some reason, he had to run (frome the cops, from an enemy, from a rival gang), would he be able to?

Diane Tolley said...

When fashion contends with essential movement, I just think it's silly. To have to adjust simply to function? Waste of energy. To this I relegate mermaid dresses, corsets, and every other binding, lacing and confining garment ever. And to think I hid in the bathroom if someone told me my slip was showing...

Jono said...

Well, if it makes Pants Boy happy he can look like whatever he wants. Personally, I'm looking to move up to suspenders. They need to be adjusted just right so I don't become a soprano, so there will be a learning curve to look forward to.