While the cat’s away, the mice, so to speak, will play.
You really shouldn’t leave your laptop unattended, Pearl.
Hello! It’s Mary. We’ve not formally met, but you may remember me from the time I threw a bear out of a party, or perhaps through my love of the paying cleaning job. You may even recall the commiseration between Pearl and I and our opinions on those who dress inappropriately for winter.
Whatever your recollections, I’ve written you a little sumpin’. Sit back, maybe make yourself a nice piece of toast, and enjoy a moment with me and the Old Man.
I’ve named it…
A Moment with Me and the Old Man
Old Man: Hey Stinky.
Me: Hey, Smelly. Whaddup?
OM: You know about my company Christmas Party?
Me: I might.
OM: You wearin' a dress?
Me: A dress?!
Let's take a moment and think about this. A couple things come to mind.
One: I can't remember the last time I wore a dress. I am thinking it might have been the late 70's.
Two: The Old Man does not take notice of what I am wearing whatsoever. Even if I entered a room and burst into flames, he would look at me and say, "Hey. You know what works good on fire? Water. But hey, did you happen to pick up those O-rings at the Harley dealer for me?"
This conversation is definitely being funneled through another person, let's see where this goes, shall we?
OM: Yes. A dress.
Me: A dress like women on TV wear?
OM: Stop it. The Engineer's wife wants to know if you are wearing a dress.
Me: A total stranger's wife wants to know what I am wearing? That is just weird.
OM: You are weird. She told Fuzzy that she is wearing a pant suit.
Note: The Old Man calls everyone “Fuzzy” since he can't remember names.
Me: Hmmph. Is she wearing a pant suit like Hilary Clinton? Or like Gwen Stefani? This could be a game changer for me. Let's pull her in on a conference call and get this handled. Wait just a second. Isn't your party at the Blue Note?
Let's take another moment. The Blue Note is a redneck bar that is probably used in filming bar fights in Hollywood movies and since it is the only bar in this particular town, it is the place hunters stop after capping a deer right between the eyes directly through the skull meat.
OM: Yes, why?
Me: I was just wondering where I could find a fleece-lined flannel dress with a gun holster to double as a belt this late in the game?
OM: What is wrong with you?!!
Insert sound of crickets. Do you hear my eyes blinking? I never know how to answer this question.
Me: So are you saying my original plan of sporting "The Winnie the Pooh" is out of the question?
Me: You know. Winnie the Pooh: red top, no pants. The red top says "Festive" while the no-pants says "Confident". Besides the no-pants look is always fun for party pics.
OM: There really is something wrong with you. Gotta run.
Me: Alrighty then. Buh-bye.
Communication is key. And it looks like I need to go out and find a nice red top.
Happy Holidays, everyone!