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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

When You Leave for the Weekend, You Provide for the Kitties

I was out this weekend, up in Duluth for All Pints North, a "beer review" situation that I did not fully attend, spending that time, rather, shopping/eating/pedicure-ing with a pregnant friend.

The following should've posted Monday (yesterday) and now there are two Mondays this week.

My bad.

The following is an approximation of the note left for Andrew, who came in to check on the kitties in our absence.


Hey, Andrew!

Thank you so much for coming in to take care of the cats. 

Just a note, however, that the kitties, as delightful as they will present themselves, are manipulative creatures that cannot be trusted.

The small one, for example: the tiny, striped one.  I don’t like to predict behavior, especially in someone as potentially unpredictable as a cat, but I feel I should tell you that the last time I looked over her wee, fuzzy shoulder, she was checking your credit score.

The larger one – the Siamese/badger mix – is less devious but is looking forward to your leftovers.  One doesn’t get winter-ready overnight, you know.

Generally speaking, though, they are well-mannered kitties.  Kitties with heart.

Kitties with agendas. 

A couple things:
1.     No matter how much Liza Bean (the small one) begs you, do NOT bring out the ladder.  She will claim that she is studying to become a fireman.  This is not true.  What she wants is to pry the ceiling vents off and hurtle through the ductwork.  She is over-confident, however, and prone to getting lost and then howling pitifully.  Word to the wise: it’s disconcerting, listening to a mournful cat that you can’t reach.

2.     Dolly (the larger one) is not allowed to smoke in the house.  We’ve been over it a hundred times, and no matter what she says, the rules against smoking inside do cover both regular and menthol. 

3.     Be aware that if you use the bathroom, Dolly, in her valued role as Bathroom Kitty, will want to join you.  Do me a favor and just let her.  She has so little, and it will only seem strange the first couple of times. 

4.     Liza Bean gets a third of a can of cat food at noon and at 6:00.  Please put each meal on a clean dish.  Reusing lunch’s dish for dinner results in her pretending to “cover” the meal – much as she would cover her own “leavings” – and scathing texts to me regarding “good help”.  Frankly, I don’t need the aggravation.

Thank you so much, Andrew.  We’ll have dinner soon, and you can tell me all about the cat tattoo Liza Bean has sworn she will talk you into.  You didn't get it on your neck, did you?

Hugs and Kisses,


Pearl

28 comments:

joeh said...

That letter is better than money for cat watching.

vanilla said...

How stressful and complicated; caring for your kitties, I mean. But, as joeh says, the letter makes it worth it all.

vanilla said...

How stressful and complicated; caring for your kitties, I mean. But, as joeh says, the letter makes it worth it all.

Silliyak said...

But Monday's post, which seems to be gone now, for a lifetime supply of "the good shrimp" for on $500 was for real, right?

Silliyak said...

Oh, and "Paycat" is JUST LIKE Paypal right?

Cheryl said...

Oh, Pearl. You've started our day!
Cheryl and Clint
From beautiful Colorado

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Clearly it would not have done to let Andrew know this in advance...after all, good help realy IS hard to find! YAM xx

Delores said...

There's a note for his memory box for sure...that and the bill for the tattoo.

Sioux said...

You mean to say Andrew doesn't ALREADY have a cat tattoo on his neck? (I thought everyone had one of those.)

Silliyak said...

Sioux, do scars count?

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

Be kind to the kitties, Andrew! They're not hear for long!

Elephant's Child said...

And without doubt both kitties will find a way to outsmart Andrew. And he will have memories, the letter and the tattoo to remind him.

Suzanne Casamento said...

I am cackling. You are hilarious. I am so glad I found your blog. You are now officially my favorite blogger on the planet. Thank you!

Jayne Martin said...

You did remember to remove all the rope and duct tape from the house when you left, didn't you?

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Has Andrew read your blog? If so, I assume he is prepared for anything.

Gigi said...

My condolences to Andrew...the poor unsuspecting chap. Despite your letter, I have a feeling that he fell for it all. Hook, line and sinker.

River said...

I hope you didn't arrive home to a ladder against the wall and plaintive miaowing from somewhere in the duct system.

Daisy said...

I hope it went well for Andrew. It sounds like caring for the kitties is a bit of a challenge! :)

Lin said...

When I read this, I knew that you were really only half joking. I have a laundry list for our housesitters and honestly, it includes this:

Pond/fish/frogs: If someone dies, just have a lovely service and say some nice words on our behalf. You can dispose of the dearly departed either by tossing in the mulch in the back garden or by garbage bag in the can by the shed. Depends on how large they are.

It's no wonder that lady doesn't like to watch my house.

jenny_o said...

If I was cat-sitting, I would frame that note and charge admission to read it :)

Susan F. said...

Shame on me. I had someone come in to check on my pets this weekend, and all I left her was a note that said, "Thanks." I will now know better, for next time!

Chicken said...

Too bad I don't live closer. You probably haven't heard, but I am an excellent cat herder.

Rose L said...

I have done a lot of cat sitting but, thankfully, not for you!

Daisy said...

I picture you coming home to find Andrew duct taped to a chair, the ash trays full of butts, and a years worth of the best salmon in the freezer. That'll learn yah to go away!

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

So from the letter you should not leave a pushover in charge of the kitties because they will end up with a high credit card bill and a house full of smoke.........

the walking man said...

That's why you need dogs, they will sleep ALL day until the food hits the dish, go outside and lose the meal eaten prior and then come back in and sleep till the next meal. No conniving in a canine.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Good to keep the ladders down and the dishes clean. Bless Andrew for his service to those two!

Drake Sigar said...

I was expecting something more along the lines of 40 pages long.