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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Part Two: The Cat Has a What Now?

Haven’t read Part One?  Go to yesterday – better yet, click this link.  Go on!  I’ll just run get myself a coffee and meet you back here, okay?

I give up waiting for the cat around midnight.  I’ll just lie down, I think.  Just close my eyes for a bit…

Russell Brand has taken me out to a drive-in theater, where we’ve managed both to drive in and simultaneously smuggle ourselves in in the trunk of his mom’s car.  “Can’t get any closer to me?” he says.  “Wiggle over.  I have to whisper something in your ear.  Pssst.  Psssst…”


Huh?  Russell?  Is that you, Russ?

“Pssst.  Pearl.”

I open my eyes to find a small striped cat settled comfortably on my chest, a set of car keys dangling from her tiny, adorably lethal jaws.

She drops them. 

“I’ve topped her off,” she says, alluding to the gas tank. 

I roll to one side, sending the cat tumbling in the other direction.   “What time is it?”

From the corner of my eye, the cat smiles.

5:37, says the clock radio.

I turn back to her.  She casually licks a shoulder blade.

“5:37?  What’s open at 5:37?”

The cat smiles up at me.  “Did you know there’s half a pack of cigarettes in your glove compartment?  I was under the impression that you had quit.”

I scowl at her.  I had forgotten about those. 

The cat’s eyes sparkle in the darkness.  “Do you remember The Nip and the Saucer?”

I do.  Once the home of a flour mill, a spectacular explosion around the turn of the last century had definitively and permanently removed quite a bit of brick. 

And it houses one of only four cat bars in the Twin Cities proper.  

It is, as they say, where all the hep cats can be found.

“You were at The Nip and The Saucer?”

Liza Bean smiles.  “I was indeed.”

There is a beat of silence in the dark.

“Well?” I finally snap irritably. 

“Pearl, old sock,” the cat says, smiling, “I’ve taken a job.”

“A job,” I say.  “Doing what?”

The cat sits up primly, wraps a tight tail around her perfectly placed paws.  “I’ve returned to bouncing,” she says.  “I’m the new bouncer at The Nip and The Saucer.”

I say nothing.

“I insist you come out tomorrow.”

“Today,” I point out.

“If you must,” she says.

I frown, and then quickly unfrown.  Partying with a cat is amusing and dangerous business, often calling for a prior laying in of hangover food, headache medicine, and, for the experienced, the foresight in taking the following day off.

Do I have enough vacation time available to risk a party with a cat?


Shelly said...

Liza's a bouncer again? I thought that was her in my kickboxing class yesterday...

joeh said...

I'm guessing a visit to the Nip and the Saucer is forthcoming.

Anonymous said...

It'll be worth it Pearl.

Val S said...

I've always wanted to see what goes on in a cat bar (I know there's another nickname, but I won't use it here). Will they give you a straw or do you have to lap your Manhattan?

Jayne Martin said...

You and Seth MacFarlane need to develop a show for Liza Bean. Or maybe she could join Family Guy now that they've killed off the dog.

bill lisleman said...

Your dream sounds better than my latest one. I don't know why I have arguments in a dream. More pointless than the ones when I'm awake.
It's nice that you share your cats with us. No cat litter, cat food, hair balls, just fun cat stories. Great set-up for us.

jenny_o said...

I'll give you MY vacation time if you'll go party with the cat!

Oh, right. It doesn't work like that. I got caught up in the excitement. *embarrassed smile*

vanilla said...

Weigh the vacation time issue carefully, very carefully.

Joanne Noragon said...

The price of limes so high Liza needs a job?

Sioux said...

Should you use the term "the hair of the dog" around Liza Bean?

I am ASSuming there will be at least a part 3?

Geo. said...

As a job in retirement, I would like to be a bouncer at a cat bar. Throw a fish out the door and half the room clears.

Chicken said...

There are way too many cat websites and that is why I have a techni-color vision of Liza Bean on a chopper in a tiny little sons of anarchy jacket, chasing down a siamese arms dealer. Or maybe it's just me. Or you. Alls I'm saying is there is a lot of imagination happening here and now I want a G&T and a cigarette and a connection to a cat bouncer. Is your cat on linked in?

Rose L said...

Cats have bars???? Guess my two are deprived.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Thank you for this loved it as usual a bouncer she is wow better here than me but I am a big softie with no back bone and I would be the one getting bounced

River said...

Liza is a bouncer? Excellent job choice for her.

Leenie B said...

I've said it before but your posts are always about a ten out of ten on the entertaining scale and your followers' comments put this blog over the top. One of my favorite places to hang out--next to the Nip and the Saucer. Wish I lived closer. I'd for sure go along as the designated driver.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Oh I hope you doooooooo....not that I am inciting any unsightly shenanigans or anything... YAM xx

jeanie said...

Its only a short stretch to the weekend from there...