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Thursday, April 24, 2014

Part Two: Beware Cats Bearing Alcoholic Beverages; or Yeah, But Why Does the Car Smell Like Minnows?

Did you miss Part One?  It was yesterday!  Go on -- we'll wait here!


The cat is waiting for me at the top of the stairs.

After a long day at a new job, one in which I am regularly reminded of how very little I know, it’s like a breath of cold, gin-flavored air.

Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, understudy/stand-in for the Blue Man Group and world-class cat-treat mooch, holds the drink out.

The limes have been, as I like to say, pre-squeezed.

I don’t even take off my shoes but instead take a healthy, mid-week kind of sip.

“AH!” I exclaim. 

“Mmm,” the cat concedes.  “Yes.”

I take another sip, set the gin and tonic on the window ledge.  “What’s this about,” I say, pulling my cap off.  I place it on the hook.  “I can’t remember the last time you brought me a drink.”

Immediately upon saying this, however, I realize it’s untrue.  I can, actually, remember the last time the cat brought me a drink.

Oh, no…

“Liza!  Did you wreck my car?”

I run to a front window.

The car is right where it should be, and it looks fine.

I turn around.

Liza Bean Bitey, a remarkably small animal, laughs.  “Oh, Pearl,” she says.  “How do you find your way home every day?”

I frown at her.  “You know I take the bus,” I say.  “The 17W, catch it at the – hey!  That’s a crack, isn’t it?”

The cat lifts a clever paw, winks, taps the side of her nose. 

I pull my shoes off, pick up my drink and walk the rest of the stairs to the second floor. 

I look around.

I turn back to the cat.  “What’s going on here, then?  Why the drink?”

“What,” she smiles.  “Can’t a kitty bring her favorite person a drink?”

I stare at her.

“Oh, Pearl,” she says.  “You’re going to give yourself wrinkles.”

I take another sip of my drink, make a c’mon-c’mon-c’mon motion with my free hand.

“All right, then,” she says.  She jumps up on the couch, pats the cushion next to her. 

I sit.

The cat primly wraps a careful tail around her feet.  “Pearl,” she says.  “It’s time you knew.”

I take another sip of my drink.

Dang.  That cat really knows how to mix a drink.

“Knew what?”

“I took your car last might.”

“Liza Bean,” I say.  “I swear –“

And the cat laughs.



Come back tomorrow for the rest of it – you know I can’t write more than 400 words at a time!

27 comments:

Shelly said...

Don't mind me while I take off my shoes and pop open the tupperware of salsa I made last night. Pass those chips. I'm not moving until I hear more!

joeh said...

It's ok, I can't read more that 400 words in a sitting. Well 500 if it involves Liza Bean Bitey.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

Now I want a Gin & Tonic, expertly concocted, and Shelly's salsa and chips. And the rest of the story.

Pearl said...

Gin and tonics, all around. Chips, salsa -- and I hear good things about your pico, Shelly, so we'll be needing that as well. :-)

Along These Lines ... said...

When your cat starts smelling of beer, it's time to get a dog.

vanilla said...

Yeah, yeah; tenterhooks, again.

vanilla said...

Yeah, yeah; tenterhooks, again.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Oh fur cryin' out loud - that cat's a total tease... YAM xx

Jacquelineand.... said...

Oh for goodness sake; I don't know which of you is the bigger tease!

jenny_o said...

Liza Bean is definitely taking advantage of your fragile state and playing you like a violin. Beware. Beware even more than you already do, if such a thing is possible.

Here, can I trade some Canadian beer for a few of those chips?

Delores said...

Liza and her friends have been up to no good whilst out using your car....the licence number has been noted...expect a knock on the door shortly. We'll wait patiently for you Pearl while you do your 10 to 20.

Lee said...

Fortunately, my two furry rascals who are, at this moment, sitting up close and personal to my keyboard and me making it very difficult for me to type, don't know where I keep my car keys. I'm going to do my best to make sure the status quo remains.

Elephant's Child said...

All cats have clever paws - and Liza Bean's are cleverer than most.

Gigi said...

Here I am with popcorn and wine....ready to see how this unfolds.

NanaDiana said...

LOL- Okay- It's official. I have finally found someone crazier than I am----I am happy....very-very happy!

Merlesworld said...

BE prepared it going to be bad.
Merle............

Lin said...

Be wary of cat's bearing cocktails.

Rosemary Nickerson said...

.....with baited breath......

HermanTurnip said...

"one in which I am regularly reminded of how very little I know"

Jeezy Creezy, that sounds like me every day work, and I've been there for three years. Yesh... ;-)

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Can you hear me clap all excited that I read part two and that there will be a part three

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Did you check for cat poo before you sat down?

River said...

Liza Bean is such a tease, mixing drinks to soften you up, then telling only the beginning of her confession...I have to make sure my Angel never reads this.

Sioux said...

ANOTHER breath-holding session for me? I'm turnin' blue here. ;)

Ms Scarlet said...

Is your tomorrow my today? I hope so, because then I don't have to wait long :-)
Sx

Daisy said...

Oh dear. That Liza! I fear she's been up to shenanigans again! :D

Steve said...


almost missed this. Thanks for the reminder.

Indigo Roth said...

There's cold gin and limes IN YOUR HAND as you walk in the door? Whatever happened, I'm calling this a win.