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Monday, May 13, 2013

Part II: Liza! PHONE!!! or The Cat Gets More Calls Than I Do


“Liza!  Phone!”

Austerity measures have reduced Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, to using the landline. 

The cat, a small, symmetrically striped animal with the bright green eyes of an overpaid carnival worker, trots briskly into the kitchen, jumps atop the table where she places the receiver against her ear.  She uses one paw to cover the mouthpiece.

“A little privacy, please,” she says.

I back out of the room, hands held in namaste.  Liza Bean scowls briefly at me. 

Cats abhor sarcasm.

Having backed from the kitchen to the living room, I sit on the couch.  Who was the cat on the other end of the phone line?  For, clearly, it was a cat – few humans sound as satisfied as the voice asking for Liza Bean. 

A thought occurs:  perhaps this has something to do with the package she received last week?

I am pondering this when I hear the phone being hung up.

Moments later, the cat saunters into the living room.

“I’m going to need the car,” she says.

I close my eyes briefly.  While I am generally against the cat taking the car, she always returns it with more gas than it went out with, as big a gesture of appreciation as one may expect of a housecat.

I open them.  “When?”

She pulls a Minnesota Twins game schedule from a pocket seemingly located under her left arm, studies it for a moment.  “Tomorrow,” she says, looking up and tucking the schedule back under her arm.

I frown at her.  “What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing,” she says, heading toward the dresser where she keeps her dress collar.  “Louis is in town.”

Louis?

Holy moley.

“Louis?” I say.  “Louis B. Mewling?

And Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, adjusts her dress collar – the one with the pink, faux diamonds in it, and surveys herself in the bedroom mirror.  “The same,” she says.

25 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

I love, love, love you Liza Bean and Dolly G posts!!!!!

Eva Gallant said...
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Pearl said...

Eva, :-) And I love THAT!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
OMC - tell her to behave. If she can't behave at least cross her legs.

You're so generous with that car. Hoping for insurance at some point? Not that I'm cynical or anything...

I am sooooo looking forward to meeting the Mewling. There's gotta be something hot there! YAM xx

Shelly said...

Somehow I get the feeling a feline Godfather is going to make an appearance. If a horse's head (or a mouse head) should make an appearance in your bed, run, Pearl, run!

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Liza Bean, you minx. Such a persuasive little pussycat!

Pat said...

Cats abhor sarcasm? I didn't know that.

vanilla said...

Louis?

I'm sure we shall find out. Waiting impatiently.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

He must be one hot number to warrant the best dress collar...pink diamonds you say?

sage said...

"Overpaid carnival worker" "Cats abhorring sarcasm" Some great lines! Who are the Twins playing?

jenny_o said...

Cats abhor sarcasm? Only when it's directed towards them. Otherwise they are the masters of it :)

bill lisleman said...

"overpaid carnival worker" where do your absurd funny descriptions come from? Carnival workers couldn't be overpaid in money so I'm thinking maybe popcorn and cotton candy.
Now baseball players are often overpaid. Not sure about the Twins though.

Pearl said...

Ack. And now my wrists hurt again.

I'm not sure about Louis.

But I do know that the White Sox are in town. :-)

Pearl said...
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Lucy Corrander at Loose and Leafy said...

It's astonishing how the patterns on tabbies can be perfectly symmetrical. I look from side to side to see if I can catch them out.

Jeanie said...

Hi, Pearl,

I don't know how you found The Marmelade Gypsy, but thanks so much for your comment. It guided me to the story of Liza Bean Bitey, who abhors sarcasm, loves the Twins and has a date! Love the bit about returning the car with gas. I am enchanted. Thank you for both your comment and for the story!

Daisy said...

Uh oh. Sounds like she's got BIG plans! :D

Sioux said...

Can't you post TWO postings every day? One, about Dolly and Liza. The other about your human adventures.

I mean, you can quit your job so you can satisfy your felines' fans every day, can't you?

Gigi said...

I am far to sarcastic to be a cat owner, apparently.

What's that little minx up to now I wonder?

HermanTurnip said...

A cat tale with a cliffhanger? Can life get any sweeter? *golf clap*

Elephant's Child said...

jenny_o is right. Cats have patented sarcasm.
I am very much looking forward to finding out about Louis B Mewling though...

River said...

Lewis B Mewling? Better polish up that dress collar.

(I have no idea who he is, but Liza seems anxious to see him)

River said...

Ooops! "Louis"

Diane Tolley said...

Sigh. Here we go again . . .

Indigo Roth said...

Good grief, a feline LIAISON? Or perhaps merely a rendezvous? Hmmm, I wonder that the French for "two mistrustful creatures engaging in diplomacy while sharpening knives" is? Roth x