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Friday, May 10, 2013

Actually, the Postman Didn't Ring at All


The recent arrival of a large number of packages, all in plain brown wrappers, has the mark of Liza Bean Bitey’s fine paw all over it.

“What is Zurich Exports?”

Liza Bean Bitey, suspected international thief, supposed possessor of a collaborative manuscript between her and the late Hunter S. Thompson and small-pawed feline looks up sharply from the watch she is working on.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because it’s on this,” I say, a medium-sized box in my hand.

“I’ll take that,” she purrs, padding smoothly by. The box leaves my hand with a swift efficiency of movement that whisks her past me and out of the room.

I call after her. “What’s in the box?”

“Hmm? I’m sorry,” she says, re-entering the room, “I didn’t hear you.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “What have you been up to?”

She smiles, an un-nerving and utterly charming thing in a cat. “I can’t always take the car,” she demurs, a reference to how often she borrows the Honda, “and I do have certain obligations, you know.”

I am stunned. Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys), while inaccurately described as “stingy” would nevertheless fall within the “thrifty” category. A failed investment in a Philippine oil rig a number of years ago put a sudden end to the high life she’d been accustomed to, and outside of insisting on the best gin available and a new dress collar every year, it’s a sad fact that she only half-reaches for the tab at the end of a night.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she says, almost gruffly. I hadn’t realized I’d been staring at her. She waves me away, returning her attention to the dismantled watch in front of her. “Anyway,” she says thoughtfully, lifting a tiny cog, “you’re not the only one on this year’s gift list.”

Again I am surprised. Who could she be buying for? I say nothing but raise an eyebrow.

The cat purrs. “I heard that,” she says.

19 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

Liza Bean is up to no good; again!

Shelly said...

I was going to say I'd like to get on her gift list, but it scares me a little...

jenny_o said...

If you get a watch from her as a gift, be careful - she's probably "fixing" it to run cockeyed, just because she likes to see you running late - or very early :)

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Any cat that can hear the raising of an eyebrow should be left well alone. I mean, what does she make of things going on behind closed doors???

Then again, it's a useful skill in safe-cracking. ...YAM 8*}

savannah said...

why do i suddenly feel the need to hold my gris gris bag when i read about you-know-who? xoxoxox

NotesFromAbroad said...

God knows what sort of lists I am on and don't know it ... I think it would be fun to be on Liza Beans list ..

Jayne Martin said...

I fear she's been using your credit card again. On the other hand, it's generous of her to keep you around to pay the bills. ;)

Rosemary Nickerson said...

Conversations with Lisa keep me enthralled. Such a complex character, one has to been on her toes to keep up.

Gigi said...

WHAT is that cat up to now?!

klahanie said...

Hey Pearl,

Yes, every so often, I drop by and um delight you with a comment.

Never mind the cat. Go check your post again. Evidently you are one of the elite bloggers who has been invited to Robyn's blog party. I'd attend but would be real shy and stuff.

Have a good weekend, Pearl.

Your adoring fan,

Gary :)

Sioux said...

The next time Liza Bean gets a package in the mail, I would fall and "accidentally" rip the box open...

Rose L said...

That darn cat!

Elephant's Child said...

I think all cats are 'careful' with their funds. Differing priorities? And of course she could hear you raise your eyebrow. I have no doubt it was almost deafening.
How are your poor sore wrists? Improving? I do hope so.

River said...

Unopened packages have me near dying of curiosity. Even if they're not mine.

jabblog said...

Charming though she undoubtedly is, Liza Bean Bitey is not to be trusted - not immoral, rather more amoral.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I've always captivated reading your stories and posts :)

Daisy said...

I think Liza Bean is trying to pull a fast one! :)

Pat said...

I love Liza's neatness.

Indigo Roth said...

My Momma always said, "feline is as feline does". Caution, my young Padawan.