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Saturday, March 16, 2013

Part III: Hey! You Got Any Extra Money?

If you’ll recall, the last two days have been dedicated to the Jefferson Hillbillies, a square-headed family of front-yard-dwelling yokels that moved into the neighborhood a while back.

Today’s Episode: Boris Gets a Job!

No, not really. That would be silly. But still, who’s to say that anything you do, repeatedly and in the hope of money, is not a job?

Last we contemplated the variables of the human condition, Head Number One (referred to as “Boris”) was seen running down the center of the street in front of the house, Pamplona-style, juggling a pair of home stereo speakers he had apparently stolen from the driver of a Lincoln Continental.

It was early June; and Willie and I had purchased a ridiculous number of flowers of both the annual and the perennial variety and were busy stuffing the flower boxes that line the first and second floors of the duplex.

I had just finished smearing a large swath of dirt across my forehead when I heard someone creep up behind me.

I spun around.


“Hey,” he smirks. “Do you have an extra five bucks I can have?”

What? There’s such a thing as an “extra” five bucks now?

So I say what I always say when I’m confused: “Huh?”

Bless his heart, he repeats the request. “Do you have five bucks I can have?”

“No,” I said.

“How about three?”


Willie comes around the house carrying a pallet of Lobelia. “No,” I say.

Boris changes tack. “How about you? Huh? You got five bucks?”

Willie’s face takes on the look he normally reserves for finding yakked-up hairballs with his bare feet.


“Five bucks. You got five bucks I can have?”

“He doesn’t even have five bucks I can have,” I mutter.

Willie shakes his head. “I’m working in the yard, man. I got nothin’.”

“How about a ride to Target then? Can you give me a ride to Target?”

I turn away. “Willie,” I say. “Set that pallet in the porch. It’s time for lunch.”

Ha! There’s nothing so annoying that I can’t ignore it.

Part IV?  That's tomorrow...


joeh said...

I always leave my extra money at home.

R. Jacob said...

what's extra money?

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
...describe "money"... leave the extra till I've grasped the first concept.

Geo. said...

"But still, who’s to say that anything you do, repeatedly and in the hope of money, is not a job?" Pearl, that's got to be one of the most delightful sentences I've ever read.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

You mean you didn't invite him in for lunch? You didn't even think about it????

vanilla said...

Hey, Pearl. Got five bucks I can have?

jenny_o said...

I never have any extra money either; I'm lucky to have any at all. Now debt is another thing. Maybe I could run around at random and ask people if I could gift them with some of my bills. Any takers, I wonder?

Jackie said...

Yakked up hairball..
I'm still cringing.
Love to read your blog.
Yep, I do...

sage said...

I could use an extra $5! :)

Daisy said...

I can't even imagine ....

The Elephant's Child said...

Did he try and sell you your pallet of lobelia when you had finished lunch? And was the ransom more than $5?

Rose L said...

You are lucky he did not respond: "Lunch! What are we having?"

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Have? He didn't even have the common decency to lie and say, "borrow", huh?

Joan said...

I laughed so hard when you said... bless his heart, he repeats the request.