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Sunday, March 25, 2012

She Says She’ll Hit Me Back When She Gets Her Tax Return


I walk into the living room to find Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers, on her back, limbs akimbo, her bright blue and slightly crossed eyes staring blankly at the far wall.

Dolly Gee, part Siamese, part long-haired tabby, part badger, has been in that position – outside of frequent snack breaks and brief stints of sitting in the window, jaw-bouncing chatter directed at unsuspecting birds on the roof next door – since the Michigan State Spartans’ loss to the Louisville Cardinals.

Once again, the cat had bet than she could afford to lose.  I glance at the coffee table: her pack of Virginia Slims has had three lonely cigarettes in it since Thursday night.

I sit on the floor next to her, a comb in my hand.

“You know,” I say, running the comb down her belly, “I wouldn’t be against loaning you a small sum.  Just enough to tide you over.”

Dolly raises her head, a gesture that makes her look to be a small and rather un-seaworthy canoe.  A cat of few words – primarily due to the pitiless teasing she received as a kitten for her lisp – she purrs momentarily, a brief attempt.

She sits up, wraps her tail around herself.  “I really thought they were going to go all the way.”

I nod.  I find, at these times, that it’s best to say nothing.

I stand, walk into my bedroom, open my sock drawer.  Behind me, I hear Dolly sigh.

When I return, I am carrying the can of albacore tuna I had been saving.  I had hoped we would open it in celebration.

I walk into the kitchen. At the sound of the silverware drawer being opened, Dolly, out of habit, trots in, hopefully, and sits at my feet.

“Dolly,” I say, forking the contents into a small china dish, “we all have our faults.”

I set the dish down in front of her.  Surprisingly, she doesn’t move.

“I have to tell you,” she says.

I tilt my head in her direction:  tell me.

She looks down at her paws, looks back up.  “I won’t be able to pay my thell phone bill thith month.”

“The tuna’s a gift, Dolly.”

She looks at the dish.

“I can cover your cell phone bill,” I say.

Dolly Gee smiles up at me, a thoroughly enchanting vision, and then settles down in front of the dish.  Suddenly she looks up.

“Would you like thum?”

I lean over, scratch behind her ear.  “I’ve eaten,” I say.

Dolly grins.  “I jutht love albacore,” she says.

29 comments:

Shelly said...

I do hope Liza Bean is not rubbing this in...

Kim Gibson said...

Has Dolly Gee considered speech therapy? She is lucky to have someone like you who loves her despite her communication issues, both with her lisp and her cell phone, and is even willing to float her some money until payday... She does have a job, I hope!?

Sioux said...

I am so glad you decided to give Dolly the albacore while she was down in the dumps. Food can be so soothing. (My hips and my gut are proof of that.)

Pat said...

Tho glad thes happy again.

Jenn Jilks said...

Tis an early spring, pretty frightening. CLimate Change isn't good, despite those who deny it!
Syrup production is down, bugs are early, land is dry. I fear for us all!

Greetings from Cottage Country!

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I am so in love with that little kitteh......if you ever need a cat sitter I'm your gal. I don't think I could handle Liza Bean.

Joanne said...

You are so fortunate Dolly Gee lives with you; she brings out your compassionate side beautifully.

Busana Muslim said...

This is a great posting I have read. I like your article.

Amber Star said...

Has Dolly Gee always lisped? This is the first time I've noticed it.

I love albacore, too. I just can't eat it often, because of the mercury and I can't afford to lose any brain cells at all. You are such a kind person, Pearl.

jenny_o said...

Sometimes, after a Dolly Gee conversation, I wish my cats could talk.

Then I remember the Liza Bean exchanges and thank my stars they can't.

Sweet, sweet post.

esbboston said...

You wouldn't believe the numb-er oF times the word 'cat' and 'canoe' show up in my daily chat-ter in the siame sentence.

Al Penwasser said...

Oh, it's a cat!
After reading the first paragraph, I almost fainted.
But, who DOESN'T live albacore?

IndigoWrath said...

Albacore? Damn, now I'm all hungry and itching to watch CHINATOWN.

Lo said...

I love thith potht. I love Dolly Gee and Liza Bean.....most mostly, I love you.

Your genius lights up my life. Thanks, Pearl.

savannah said...

sometimes i forget Dolly Gee is a c-a-t, sugar! you are a delight, sister pearl! xoxoxox

Leenie said...

A combing of the belly fur is always comforting. Thomas agrees.

Juli said...

Mr. Chewey hates tuna, albacore or otherwise. Seems I'm not the only one in this house with issues. :)

Jo-Anne's Rambling said...

Well how luck is Dolly Gee to have you as her person...........

Jo said...

Your writing always makes me feel. Gets me right in the heart.

HermanTurnip said...

Woohoo! I loved the way this one ended. Dolly is my kinda cat :-)

Belle said...

Aww, you are so kind to Dolly Gee. When I lose at bingo will you feed me too? Albacore is the best.

Cloudia said...

you really have a way with them...




Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral

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Crack You Whip said...

A cat would drive me insane...I'm already on the brink.

tattytiara said...

"Dolly raises her head, a gesture that makes her look to be a small and rather un-seaworthy canoe."

I could freaking marry that sentence I love it so much.

River said...

You and Dolly are so sweet together. I'm glad you gave her the tuna. A boost to her spirits is just what she needed.

Dawn in D.C. said...

Love this!
So sorry for Dolly Gee that Michigan State lost. But my bulldog assures me that it is indeed the Ohio State Buckeyes who will be going all the way. My tuna is on them.

Teresa Evangeline said...

A sweet kitty with a slight speech impediment is no impediment to goodness. Love this tale of loss and love, as in albacore.

NellieVaughn said...

My little Silver had a lisp, too. Silver was missing his front teeph.

Linda O'Connell said...

Thith made me laugh.