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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Hey! I'm Woikin' Heah!

T calls. “I’m bored.”

“So you called me, 1400 miles away, to alleviate your boredom?”

“Yes,” he says from around what sound to be a mouthful of potato chips. His voice takes on an imperious air. “Amuse me.”

“How’s this?” I say, doing absolutely nothing.

“That’s nice,” he says, “but try to put your back into it.”

“What about this?” I say, still doing nothing.

T, long-time friend, part-time nemesis and full-time thorn-in-my-side, moved to Paradise (apparently it’s in Florida) well over a year ago.

“I’ve seen better.”

He sighs, heavily.

Paradise, apparently, has gotten boring.

“So what are you going to do today?”

He sighs again. “I dunno. Do what I do every day I’m not working, I guess. Go work out, go swimming, maybe do some laundry.”

I start laughing. “Whatta youse? From New Joisey now?”

He stops chewing. Accusations of being from New Jersey are serious business, particularly in light of how many of them there are in Florida.

You may not be aware of this, but New Jersey-ites are a boisterous people.

“Heeeey,” he says. “What are you talking about?”

“You just told me you’re going to GLT! Isn’t that what they do on that show, Jersey Shore? Gym, Laundry, Tan?”

There is a pause on the other end.

“I don’t know why I call you,” he says, mock hurt.

“Because I take your calls?”

“Hmm,” he says. The potato chips re-enter the picture.

I chuckle. “You’re probably going to want to drink until you puke later, maybe get naked in a hot tub and fall down a flight of stairs.”

“For someone who claims to not watch the show, you know a lot about it.”

I shrug. “I like the weekly clips of reality-show stupidity. They’re good for my ego.”

“You never got drunk and fell down a flight of steps?”

“Nope,” I say, smiling. “And without proof, there ain’t a jury that’ll convict me.”

T munches thoughtfully. “Sometimes it all comes down to witnesses.”

“True dat,” I say.

He stops chewing. “I suppose I’ll let you get back to work,” he sighs. “I just needed someone to talk to.”

“I’m your witness,” I say.

He smiles, a sound that comes over the phone via his voice. “Sometimes that’s all you need.”

43 comments:

Simply Suthern said...

My wife calls me at work when she's bored. Daily. What ya doin?". "I'm working" is the usual conversation.

mybabyjohn said...

Validation

Susan in the Boonies said...

Since my husband works at home, when he's bored, he lurks.
I can tell that he's really bored when he starts stirring up trouble with the kids.

Moobeat said...

Great stuff.

haphazardlife said...

I can maybe get being bored in summer in Florida, but I wouldn't be bored in winter - that's just too blasé.

- Jazz

Joshua said...

Methinks Pearl watches "The Soup."

Glen said...

that's living America style>? Sounds too exciting for me!

ICKY said...

You can't prove That.

Shelly said...

Ha! I have a relative who likes to call me when she's bored- time on task doesn't mean the same thing to her as it does to me.

Antares Cryptos said...

LOL. I get those entertaining calls too, they increase my productivity.

Pssst. I'm working!

George said...

You sure know how to wrap up a post. Nicely painted picture.

Mouthwash said...

Ha! That was awesome. "What about this?" Love it.

Amber
Ambersmouthwash.blogspot.com

The Simple Dude said...

I don't know if I have ever called anyone as a result of being bored.

However, I can think of plenty of occasions I have become bored AFTER calling someone.

Hmmm....

SD
www.TheSimpleDude.com

Eva Gallant said...

Could you share your phone number, so I can call you when I'm bored?

C... said...

LMAO I fall down the steps without drinking. I steer clear of them when I drink ...

Tom G. said...

We all need a witness. Having a good one is one of life's greatest pleasures.

Pat Tillett said...

I am so NOT a phone talker. I hate when people call me and then don't have anything to say. I usually end it by saying, "Okay, I'll let you go now." I say that, even though THEY called me!

Oilfield Trash said...

Can I get a witness?

Belle said...

Your friend sounds cute. It's kind of nice he reaches out to you to tell you his laundry plans.

That Janie Girl said...

That's funny!!

jenny_o said...

T must have a great long distance plan :)

Mandy_Fish said...

GLT does not sound like a bad day to me. Well except for the "T." Mine would have to be a "B" for Burn.

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! This "T" fella sounds like a wise old slacker. And us slackers always know what each other are up to. It's like a psychic thing. What are we both up to right now? Nothing. See? Spooky. Indigo x

R. Jacob said...

I told my wife my phone is in the witness protection program.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Where do you think you are on the list of people to call when he is bored? Does he call someone else if you aren't available? I think my kids have such a list. I am not on the top, but if I am the first on the list to answer the phone, I get the benefit of a conversation.
No chips, though.

Jhon Baker said...

I'm your witness - this is poetic, truth and beautiful - I will steal this.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

I don't blame him. I am waiting ever so impatiently for the day I can ditch this place and move to God's waiting room like everbody else. Because my motto? Life's too short to Live in Ohio.

Captain Dumbass said...

But would you help him hide a body?

Daisy said...

My brother's family, from NJ, is in Florida! Some of them sound kind of bored!

Crystal Pistol said...

Man, you're a barrel of monkeys. I really really really super enjoy your posts. They make me smile, which is not a real indication of anything as I am genetically predisposed to smile 90% of the day. (It frightens people.)

I'm thinking I might give you a call myself one of these days...

lunamother said...

ah, Pearl. I know I can always open your blog and think "Amuse me" and never ever be let down :)

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

That's an amusing conversation (to read, at least. I can't imagine it was that amusing for you). I didn't know there's a Paradise in Florida. Ah Paradise, it does lack the excitement of Joisey.
xoRobyn

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

PS My blog posts are feeding selectively. It's driving me crazy. I have, in fact, posted since Memorial Day. ;->.

Gigi said...

GLT, huh? Of the the three, it seems like all I ever do is the L.

Bossy Betty said...

I've had many phone conversations like this. Well, the other person has the conversation while I watch TV.

Lazarus said...

Hey Pearl, lay off Jersey before we send Snooki up to hit you with her tall head of stiff hair, that'll hurt!!! Funny post but I think you were holding back a bit, I'm sure you're a great conversationalist for any bored caller...

Windsmoke. said...

When i'm bored i go around stirring the pants off anyone i can find its good fun :-).

River said...

The smile that can be heard over the phone is one of the best kinds of smiles.

Linda O'Connell said...

Phone fun fro you, blog fun for me. You make me laugh. Thanks.

aBroad said...

I lived in Northern NJ for a spell. Don't tell anyone.

T is lucky he has you to call.
I don't have a T here at the bottom of the world.

Now I am depressed.
lurve,

Cake Betch said...

Why doesn't anyone call me out of the blue to talk about nothing to me when they're bored? Seriously, nobody calls me. Is it something I'm doing wrong? Am I not personable? Do the weird ticking noises I make using my finger and a plugged nostril while simultaneously forcing air through my nose tend to frighten people off? I'm not sure why, the kids in first grade loved it.

savannah said...

this was rockin, sugar! i'd LOVE having YOU as a witness! xoxoxox

Pat said...

He doesn't deserve you - chomping on the phone indeed!