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Saturday, August 7, 2010

I Believe A Strongly Worded Rebuke May Be In Order

I’m not naming names here – particularly since that would run counter to my desire to remain blame-free – but for the third day in a row, someone has forgotten to make my bed.

The bedspread is heaped at its foot, the sheet still thrown back as if I’ve just left, and there is a sleeping cat on my pillow.

This is not how it looks in the magazines.

It’s difficult, isn’t it, working full-time and trying to maintain a house. I’ve sold the day by the hour, the nights are for writing, the weekends for friends and family.

People think I’m funny – for a variety of reasons that don’t bear close inspection – but I’ve been known to take vacation days just to stay home and rearrange furniture.

My floors, for example. When were they last scrubbed? I’m thinking that if you cannot recall the last time you scrubbed your floors, it’s been a long time indeed. My kitchen floor is dotted with tiny, chalk outlines of the items that have fallen and died there.

The cats have taken to wearing shoes in the house.

And what of my closet? The floor of it is no longer visible, and if we push through my wardrobe far enough, you’ll see that there’s an upright-walking goat back there, just beyond the trees.

People don’t just make that stuff up, you know.

Ah, well, autumn is coming; and that’s what it’s for: a seasonally enforced buckling down, a reminder that winter lurks and is thinking, casually, of killing you.

You’ll, of course, want to tidy up for it.


Sam Liu said...

Sometimes thankfully, sometimes unfortunately, my OCD ensures I keep everything in my house impeccably in order and tidy. Otherwise, I can't think/write/exist :)

Cheeseboy said...

My wife gets home today from her vacation and she will be surprised that I have actually scrubbed the floor. Except they already look dirty.

And that's how it SHOULD look in the magazines.

Sarah said...

I hate to say this, but your closet floor looks a lot like my closet floor, and I can't find anything to wear!

Fred Miller said...

Screw the scrubbing. Go have tea with Mr. Tumnus.

sage said...

Very funny... I always make the bed up when I get up, which means the bed is generally only made up when I'm the last to wake, which isn't very often!

a Broad said...

So all this leads me to think that this is so not really what your closet looks like. Well, the goat might be there but I bet things are not as bad as you say.
That the cats are wearing shoes is worrisome though.

Pup says to tell you that every time the floors get polished and clean here, he slips and falls all the time, so you may actually be doing the cats a favor. ( look at it that way)

Anonymous said...

LOL! Yesterday I walked in to find a big beach towel spread out on the living room floor. I said to my husband, "What? Are you doing yoga now?" He said, "No, the cat knocked over my lemonade." The towel is still there this morning. Guess what I am doing today? - G
PS. Making the bed is the one thing I do everyday - it lets me fool myself into thinking the house is somewhat organized. I also do it to make sure the cat didn't asomething she seems to be doing a lot lately.

Anonymous said...

Ooops, the missing words from my last comment: make sure the cat didn't "barf up a fur ball on the bedspread", something... - G

Will Burke said...

I've got stains in the carpet that are too mysterious for the dog, and stuff in the kitchen corners that would make Darwin flesh-out his theories.

Douglas said...

Well, since the dust bunnies in my house all have names and probably part ownership due to "squatting rights", I shouldn't criticize. So I won't.

By the way, "funny" is not the word I would use to describe someone who "take[s] vacation days just to stay home and rearrange furniture."

I am sure there is a better word but I don't wished to be banned from this blog (I am running out of blogs that I am allowed to visit).

a Broad said...

LOL Douglas ! Your dust bunnies have names... falling over laughing.
and what is the word ? So you don't get banned, give us a "sound alike" ..

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

I've always said, "Life is short, why waste it cleaning? The house is JUST going to get dirty again!!"

Argent said...

My heart is with Anything Fits a Naked Man, but I can't help but want to have things neat, clean (ish) and orderly. My wardrobe is also a portal to Narnia. My cats would wear shoes - if they could find them in this mess.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Very funny, but if you have an upright goat walking in your closet be sure to take a picture and send it to Margaret for her blog :-)
Happy weekend.

Anonymous said...

Pearl...fire the errand monkey.

Problem solved.

Gigi said...

I feel your pain, Pearl, as I watch the dust bunnies floating across the floor and thinking surely someone must do something about them since I certainly don't want to.

dogimo said...

No, no, save the cleaning for Spring! Autumn and winter are for being buried under a comforting snuggle-blanket of the natural accumulations of thing; leaves, snows, mail from competing banks and phone service providers.

Spring! Spring will come in its own time, for the digging out.

Casey Freeland said...

I love your posts. The visuals are awesome. If we had cats, they too would be bearing shoes.

I channelled your thoughts of cleaning and went after the garage today. (See fore and aft pics on my blog)



poosemommy said...

I have discovered a disturbing trend with my housekeeping: if I clean something once, The Man expects that it will be cleaned again. Ever. Also? If I actually mop, someone will drop some breakable vessel full of sticky fluid onto the aforementioned clean floor. At least the ever-present kitty litter helps control the spills (but not the broken glass! Yowza!)

Symdaddy said...

Well I am surprised! - Nay, shocked!!! - (And I don't use those exclamation marks lightly)

A woman who demand such accommodations from her OH is indeed a ruthless task-mistress (I hope you have the knee-length boots and whip too!) and not quite up to speed on the male of species's ability to ignore domestic chores as if they never existed.

I know what I am talking about ... I'm very good at it!

Symdaddy said...

add " 's " behind "demand".

Thank you.

The Jules said...

Early spring clean?

Very organised.

Simply Suthern said...

Dirty house? So what.

Cats in shoes? Puss in boots, So whats new.

Goats in the closet causes a pause but who am I to judge.

What caught my eye is you are already thinking of winter. The heat has just peaked here and typically we will be short sleeved till mid December at least. Sounds like time for an Angora or cashmere jacket. Now where is that goat.

CatLadyLarew said...

Hell, forget about ever seeing the closet floor... my closet, itself, is no longer visible for all the crap piled in front of it!

Willoughby said...

My OCD forces me to keep my house pretty clean, but my teenage son's room is a frightening, gawd awful mess. I told him it needed to be over-hauled and that it should be so clean you could eat off the floor. To this, my husband said, "You can eat off the floor right now. There's probably a three course meal laying around on that rug."

Occasionally called Robbie said...

Beautifully written and full of character, I chuckled at every line as I saw the reality of it in my own house :)
A first time visit and thoroughly enjoyed it!