Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to play everyone’s favorite administrative assistant game “Bring Me A Rock”!
The rules are simple. Your boss will ask you for a rock. You will bring her a rock, and she will ask if you can find a bigger rock. You will then bring her a bigger rock, whereupon she will ask if it only comes in black and can you get one in red? You will then find one in red and she will want to know if there are any other shades of red, and sure as heck, you will go looking for another rock in a shade you hope she likes.
Turns out you can get that particular rock in another shade of red and prematurely congratulate yourself on your resourcefulness. Surely you are an executive admin of the highest order. You bring it to her quite full of admiration for yourself.
She loves it. Now this is the kind of rock she was talking about!
Can you get six more of them before the 3:00 meeting?
Take your time. There’s no rush.
It is at this point that you will either 1.) burst into tears, 2.) go out for lunch and not come back, 3.) be promoted to CEO, or 4.) knock yourself out getting her what she started describing hours ago but couldn’t elaborate on properly.
Today’s Bring Me a Rock game?
Can You Get Me That One Report?
“Hi, Pearl. Can you get me that one report except updated?”
“Sure. Which report would that be?”
“The one you ran last Thursday. Oops! Gotta go! Just e-mail it to me!”
Hmmm. I ran five reports Thursday, a wide array of reports ranging from the you-just-click-here kind of report to the I-can-recreate-this-report-for-you-but-I’ll-need-a-gallon-of-top-grade-motor-oil-a-masseur-and-a-passport kind of report.
Crossing our fingers, we run the click-here report.
Ha ha ha. Foolish mortal. That is not the report.
You try again, calling her. Which report was it? What kind of information are you looking for?
Oh, you know. I’m looking for week-over-week comparison between factored and unfactored pipeline, preferably by alphabetical order of the client’s home office’s state capital and cross-referenced by the salesman’s shoe size.
Oh, and if we could have the currencies listed in dollars, euros, and those giant stone coins, that would be great.
Oh that report.
So when you come looking for me, and I do hope you will come looking for me, I will be either 1.) weeping copiously in the women’s bathroom, 2.) walking down the middle of Nicollet daring a bus to hit me, or 3.) sitting at Nye’s Pollanaise at the piano bar singing John Denver tunes with Sweet Lou Snider and my new best friends.
Thanks for playing “Bring Me A Rock”!
11 hours ago